Guest blogger — action on a subway

This from my beloved partner of ten years:

I thought I would contribute this blog-worthy moment to your morning. So I am sitting on a crowded #1 train and a tall guy – maybe late twenties – sits down next to me.  He’s nicely dressed – expensive shirt, good watch etc.  I thought he might be foreign ’cause of the haircut. He proceeds to whip out his keychain and starts to clip his fingernails. I leaned over and said to him in a perfectly reasonable voice – “I’m afraid you can’t do that here – it’s unacceptable. You need to use a bathroom or do it over a garbage can.  This is a public place.”  The whole time – I was perfectly calm and matter of fact.  He stopped. He got out a few stops later.  One small victory for civility on NYC  subways!

I love her.

A beer with the Prez

I don’t drink beer.  After four years of smelling mung beer in fraternity basements in college, the mere suggestion of beer makes my nose hair curl.

Have a beer with the President? You bet.  What, my strong aversion to beer?  Nah, dude.  If that is my ticket to have a sit down with the most powerful man in the nation (who happens to have the cutest ears in the nation), then, what me, an anti-beerist?  I’d even drink a rusty can of Rheingold circa 1969 if it gets me on the patio in the Rose Garden.

So, as I see it, here is how I need to orchestrate my 45 minutes with the Big Guy.  I have to do something outrageous that actually sparks outrage.  (I do outrageous stuff all the time, but no one seems to care.)  It has to threaten the kumbaya veneer of society in a menacing, yet ultimately not physically harmful, way.  Then it has to be on the 24-hour news RE-cycle, just in time for a Presidential press conference where the President is tired and talking about really important things critical to the nation’s future. Then, with seconds to go before he gets to leave the press room, have his make-up washed off and kick back with Michelle, a friend with press credentials has to ask about my incident.  Hopefully, he will be annoyed and the incident will touch a chord in him and he will have an authentic, I-am-human-and-I-have-unscripted-opinions moment.  POUNCE!!  I got my beer.

So, here is my checklist to close this deal:

  1. outrageous behavior: easy
  2. outrageous behavior that is offensive but does not involve weapons: hmmmmm.  Watch celebrity TV shows for ideas.
  3. get attention for outrageous behavior: Get a walk-on spot on “I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!!”
  4. get on 24 hour news RE-cycle: [Do I have to say nice things about CNN?] Start by being an iReporter.
  5. time it with an important press conference:  after August recess when Congress is fighting over the health care bill.
  6. have a friend with a press pass to the White House:  We need to break this agenda item into 3 subparts:  (a) Find a friend, (b) find a friend with press pass and (c) find a friend with press pass to White House.
  7. have friend ask a question on my outrageous behavior (which I learned from the celebrity TV shows or the coverage on the Michael Jackson family circus):  do you think tickets to the US Open Tennis men’s and women’s finals will do it?
  8. Get Obama ticked off:  easy, just ask my partner.
  9. BEER TIME!!!!

A book about nothing

In the New York Times, there is an article about an author who wrote a book about nothing much.  I hope it is free.

A lovely thing happened on the way to work today

It could have been a regular day on the road to Utopia for me.  Nothing other than angst awaited me in the office.  I had a fitful night’s sleep.  More gray in my hair than yesterday. It was the crack of ten a.m. and I was just leaving for the office.

Funny what a difference a little thing can make.

I was stopped at a crosswalk on my way to the train station, bracing myself for the hot-like-Africa-hot subterranean urban jungle that is our transit system.  A little girl with haphazard braids danced along in that way that little girls do and held her grandmother’s hand (I think she is the grandmother).  They stopped on the other side of the crosswalk for the light and the grandmother bent over to the little girl and may have said something or kissed her head, I couldn’t tell.  Anyway the light changed and, as I passed them, the little girl was telling her grandmother a story in that sing-song way the little kids do and the grandmother  had a big smile on her face.  Made me happy all day.

Leg Lengthening Surgery??

Ok, there was a report about about a disgusting procedure during which, among other things, the patient’s legs are broken in order for the legs to grow longer.   The young woman was perfectly healthy and nothing was wrong with her legs.  Is THIS medical advancement?

The medical community is justifiably concerned about what Michael Jackson’s celebrity doctor prescribed for him.  Why did Michael Jackson have Diprivan in his house? Because he asked for it? Wasn’t the physician supposed to exercise independent, medical judgment and SAY NO?  The slope gets slippery . . . . . why didn’t the doctors say no to this young woman who wanted her legs lengthened to achieve some random estimation of “beauty”?

Nothing is going to stop rogue doctors from doing crazy things.  But we need a health care system that (i) gives doctors financial rewards for being good doctors who say “no” when necessary and (ii) takes away any incentives to go down that slippery slope.

Soon, soon, soon

For a long time when our son asked when we would get some place or when his food would come at a restaurant or when he would start to like school, my partner would answer with “soon, sweetie”.  About 18 months ago, at age 5-and1/2, he said in a very adult voice:

“Mommy, ‘soon‘ is not an answer because it doesn’t mean anything.”

I think of this every time someone says soon lenders will start lending again.  Soon, the job cuts will abate. Soon, I will get to retire.

Soon, soon, soon

An unknown young woman

I had a chance encounter with a young woman on a train to Harrisburg, PA, in 2007 and it continues to be a transformative experience for me.

She was 22 or 23-ish then. She was wearing size 22 clothes that were still too tight. She has all the low-class trappings (bling, crazy nails, tattoos, talking unintelligible slang on a pink cellphone).  I immediately thought about moving my seat because she was so loud on the phone.  Then, she turned to me with the sweetest and most earnest look on her face (that made me feel bad for my snarky thoughts) and asked, “do you know anything about Harrisburg? Me and my mom are moving there now.” As in right now, as in on this train, they are relocating because someone told them there were jobs in Harrisburg. Her mom is wiry thin and worn beyond her years — looks like a hard life and hard drugs had their effect.  The mother who is my age or younger was scared and shy and sad. Her daughter shared her DVD player and headphones so they could watch I Love Lucy together. I Love Lucy is the diversion of choice for these two women in the year 2007. You can’t make this up.

The economic, social, political and nuclear world has changed in that time. If the world hadn’t changed, I probably wouldn’t think of this young woman, but  the world did change and this chance encounter stays with me.

This young woman was braver than I will ever be. More optimistic than I can ever fathom. She is the under-educated try-anything counterpoint to my over-educated disillusionment. I am a lot ashamed that I felt decidedly superior to her when I walked on the train and then incredulous that she would go somewhere on the mere possibility of the chance to get a job and a better job.  She had it right.  I hope she is successful without conforming.  I hope she is happy.  I hope her mother is not so sad or scared anymore.  

I need to learn a few things from this woman, starting with humility.

The accidental audience on someone else’s first date

I should keep my ears closed.  I should have brought a book. But they were so loud.  I sat; I listened; I blogged.

Last night was weekday date night for my partner and me. I was early because I closed a deal and, flush with the knowledge of getting paid for a deal, I left the office early and waited at a quasi-trendy place for my beloved to join me.

So, I sat at the bar and this is what happened in real time (think of me as a stenographer):

 Two people next to me are having a first date. The guy is trying to establish his bona fides as a New Yorker — born in Manhattan, first few years in Brooklyn (when it was uncool to live there) and then to NJ.  As a Manhattan native, I believe that he still needs a visa to come to the island, let’s be honest.

They are now talking about their siblings’ good marriages and failed marriages.  She responds to something he said (which eagle ears here can’t quite understand above the din) with, “ohmigod, I can’t believe, like, you know, that happened to my family”.  Then Sweet Valley High came up in the conversation, as a benchmark for human behavior. Ok, so art is life’s instruction. I am scared.

Apparently, it is cool to be not into any scene — a guy who is a homebody who owns his apartment gets the girl.  Also, the West Side shows you’re deeper and more family-oriented than the East Side, if you believe this guy. Also Murray Hill neighb apparently has settle-down creds, so you can get the girl that night at least.

The guy let slip that he spent more than he wanted (i.e., he had even more money in the bank) on his two bedroom apartment. She is impressed because she can’t afford her an apartment since she doesn’t believe in one bedrooms.  How nice for her. A new religion in the making.

He told her she reminded him of someone famous. I couldn’t hear who because of the untimely request by a fellow patron for a bill.  Darn. She was not upset because they are still talking and she is trying to make him laugh.

He skis. She doesn’t ski well. Skiing is an “issue for me” she says. He is an athlete but skiing is not his bag. He finishes every sentences on a high note, as if asking a question. 

He is driving me to drink. She is driving me to the psychopharmacologist.

I shouldn’t even go to the gym

I’m in the locker room trying to be careful to minimize my “space” because we all know those “space invaders” — naked on the bench (no towel underneath) or, another favorite, naked or half-naked texting.  Uh, excuse me while I try to get around your still sweating body toward my locker and change.  Skin cancer is a very serious disease and we all should be vigilant about noticing moles, etc.  BUT USING THE MIRROR AT THE GYM?  I race out of the locker room.

Now I am in the gym “proper”.

Ok. ok. ok. ok.  There is a guy who is in his late 60s, has a perma-tan and wears nylon running short-shorts (the one that really captures the perspiration smell) with one of those new-fangled half t-shirts that show off  the midrift (is that a word?).  For his age, he is in great shape.   His clothes are a sartorial tragedy. 

Not that I am much better.  I look like an anemic 40-something lawyer who hasn’t bought new gym clothes in years.  Let’s be clear that I never went for the thong look — I believe in the more covered-up the better.

On my mind (with apologies to A.M. Rosenthal)

No one ever trusted politicians.  Even our Founding Fathers flung the muck around to win an election.  Many of them did not in their personal lives live up to the high ideals of the Declaration of Independence and the Constitutions which they so lovingly drafted.  So, even in hoary (or whore-y) times, you could tell most politicians were lying because their lips were moving.

In the last 30 years (which is roughly equivalent to my adult memory), the clergy have disappointed me mightily in big and small ways.  First, Bernard Bergman and the nursing home scandal.  He dared to wear an outward sign of piety as he sat accused of heinous acts against other human beings.  Then the priests who abused children, making a mockery of the cross that they wore and the robes they donned. Then the Taliban clerics destroying cultures and killing people in the name of their haywire fundamentalism.

Even with all of this, I assume that people start out dealing with each other in good faith and with decency.  (Yes, I am a schmuck.)

So, why am I on a rant? The straw that broke the camel’s back: New Jersey.  This is not some small scandal.  Money laundering, trafficking in human organs, influence peddling and stealing from the  public coffers across many cities and communities.  Not just any time.   IN THESE TIMES WHEN WE NEED OUR POLITICIANS AND CLERGY TO LEAD US OUT OF THE BIGGEST FINANCIAL AND SOCIAL MELTDOWNS SINCE THE GREAT DEPRESSION.

I want to yell at each of those arrested in this New Jersey scandal who as politicians or rabbis enjoyed our collective trust and faith: “Have you no sense of decency, sir? At long last, have you left no sense of decency?” (to quote Joseph Welch, a lawyer at Hale & Dorr who represented the Army at the 1950’s McCarthy hearings)

WHERE IS THE OUTRAGE!!