Shirley could have been in the New York Times year-end edition of the Lives They Lived. As a tale of lost and found.
She was born into a poor immigrant family and was, as they used to say, “not quite right”. After her father died (her mother died in childbirth with her younger sister), she was put into a public-assisted halfway house system. She was thereafter “dead” as far as the family — her surviving siblings — was concerned. Ultimately, she ended up in a public assistance psychiatric nursing home.
One of her nephews discovered her existence 60 or more years later and began, with his wife, visiting her. Through their interest and kindness, she spoke for the first time in decades. And she kept talking, but not like a made-for-TV movie — it was intelligible, although often guttural.
**************************************************************************************************************
We buried Shirley today. Forgive the non-adherence to the Jewish 24-hour burial rule, but her nephew only found out two years ago that he was Jewish (for another blog) and is trying to integrate that knowledge into his otherwise Christian life.
In most other respects, we followed Jewish tradition.
The usual litany of readings and meditations didn’t fit this particular situation. I talked with my cousins about what we would say about Shirley during the graveside service.
My cousin showed me the poem he wrote. There were no better words. Rest in peace, dear Shirley. We will remember you.
For Shirley:
She a little left
a little different
and we a little right
perhaps indifferent
but was it right
to let a loved one
cling fast
to family long past?
we forgot that past
while she forgot this presentFinally we unlocked the door
and dove right in
to days left behind
all day into the night
hiding in plain sight
We found each other
Surely we were ignorant
but we were not
we ran away from each other
and surely that was not rightReunited, we clung fast
she managed soft whispers
of that past long gone
we hung on every word
as we held onto her hand
soaking in precious moments
making up that lost time
when we went left
and she went right
a family come full circleand surely this is right.
Amen.
