Muscle shirts are for those with discernible muscles.

Posted on August 4, 2009 by 40andover

Muscle shirts should be worn by people with actual defined muscles and then only in the gym and then only if they (guys and girls) shave their underarms.

There should be a rule that 50% of one’s body should be covered especially if one’s body mass index (BMI) is over the VPT (visually pleasing threshold). And even after 50% coverage, someone with a BMT over the VPT could trigger an IHR (involuntary heaving reaction). All in all, a public safety crisis that must be addressed immediately by Mayor Bloomberg. Imagine if a subway car full of people had IHRs because of one passenger with a BMI over VPT and less than 50% clothes coverage ratio. Not a pretty sight. In fact, I might have an IHR just thinking about it.

This morning’s odd-yssey to work

Posted on August 3, 2009 by 40andover

I walked into a deliciously air conditioned car and thought that maybe I would sit down and ride this local to work, instead of switching for the express train. I was about to sit down when I realized a 40-something dweeby guy was full into a rambling disquisition on the intricacies of Pink Floyd’s music. And he was loud. I got off the train at the next stop and onto the steamy subway platform just to avoid being the accidental captive audience. The express train came and, ahhhhhh, it too was air conditioned. Wait, don’t relax yet — a non-homeless man (so he has no excuse) reading a book had the greasiest hair and the most formidable body odor that I have experienced in a long time. Let’s not go further. This was an express. So, I had to concentrate on not fainting until the next stop. I jumped out, scurried into another car, and was greeted by the smell of delicious coffee from someone’s thermos. The car was air-conditioned and all was calm.

Guest blogger — action on a subway

Posted on July 31, 2009 by 40andover

This from my beloved partner of ten years:

I thought I would contribute this blog-worthy moment to your morning. So I am sitting on a crowded #1 train and a tall guy – maybe late twenties – sits down next to me. He’s nicely dressed – expensive shirt, good watch etc. I thought he might be foreign ’cause of the haircut. He proceeds to whip out his keychain and starts to clip his fingernails. I leaned over and said to him in a perfectly reasonable voice – “I’m afraid you can’t do that here – it’s unacceptable. You need to use a bathroom or do it over a garbage can. This is a public place.” The whole time – I was perfectly calm and matter of fact. He stopped. He got out a few stops later. One small victory for civility on NYC subways!

I love her.

A lovely thing happened on the way to work today

Posted on July 30, 2009 by 40andover

It could have been a regular day on the road to Utopia for me. Nothing other than angst awaited me in the office. I had a fitful night’s sleep. More gray in my hair than yesterday. It was the crack of ten a.m. and I was just leaving for the office.

Funny what a difference a little thing can make.

I was stopped at a crosswalk on my way to the train station, bracing myself for the hot-like-Africa-hot subterranean urban jungle that is our transit system. A little girl with haphazard braids danced along in that way that little girls do and held her grandmother’s hand (I think she is the grandmother). They stopped on the other side of the crosswalk for the light and the grandmother bent over to the little girl and may have said something or kissed her head, I couldn’t tell. Anyway the light changed and, as I passed them, the little girl was telling her grandmother a story in that sing-song way the little kids do and the grandmother had a big smile on her face. Made me happy all day.

An unknown young woman

Posted on July 29, 2009 by 40andover

I had a chance encounter with a young woman on a train to Harrisburg, PA, in 2007 and it continues to be a transformative experience for me.

She was 22 or 23-ish then. She was wearing size 22 clothes that were still too tight. She has all the low-class trappings (bling, crazy nails, tattoos, talking unintelligible slang on a pink cellphone). I immediately thought about moving my seat because she was so loud on the phone. Then, she turned to me with the sweetest and most earnest look on her face (that made me feel bad for my snarky thoughts) and asked, “do you know anything about Harrisburg? Me and my mom are moving there now.” As in right now, as in on this train, they are relocating because someone told them there were jobs in Harrisburg. Her mom is wiry thin and worn beyond her years — looks like a hard life and hard drugs had their effect. The mother who is my age or younger was scared and shy and sad. Her daughter shared her DVD player and headphones so they could watch I Love Lucy together. I Love Lucy is the diversion of choice for these two women in the year 2007. You can’t make this up.

The economic, social, political and nuclear world has changed in that time. If the world hadn’t changed, I probably wouldn’t think of this young woman, but the world did change and this chance encounter stays with me.

This young woman was braver than I will ever be. More optimistic than I can ever fathom. She is the under-educated try-anything counterpoint to my over-educated disillusionment. I am a lot ashamed that I felt decidedly superior to her when I walked on the train and then incredulous that she would go somewhere on the mere possibility of the chance to get a job and a better job. She had it right. I hope she is successful without conforming. I hope she is happy. I hope her mother is not so sad or scared anymore.

I need to learn a few things from this woman, starting with humility.

The accidental audience on someone else’s first date

Posted on July 29, 2009 by 40andover

I should keep my ears closed. I should have brought a book. But they were so loud. I sat; I listened; I blogged.

Last night was weekday date night for my partner and me. I was early because I closed a deal and, flush with the knowledge of getting paid for a deal, I left the office early and waited at a quasi-trendy place for my beloved to join me.

So, I sat at the bar and this is what happened in real time (think of me as a stenographer):

Two people next to me are having a first date. The guy is trying to establish his bona fides as a New Yorker — born in Manhattan, first few years in Brooklyn (when it was uncool to live there) and then to NJ. As a Manhattan native, I believe that he still needs a visa to come to the island, let’s be honest.

They are now talking about their siblings’ good marriages and failed marriages. She responds to something he said (which eagle ears here can’t quite understand above the din) with, “ohmigod, I can’t believe, like, you know, that happened to my family”. Then Sweet Valley High came up in the conversation, as a benchmark for human behavior. Ok, so art is life’s instruction. I am scared.

Apparently, it is cool to be not into any scene — a guy who is a homebody who owns his apartment gets the girl. Also, the West Side shows you’re deeper and more family-oriented than the East Side, if you believe this guy. Also Murray Hill neighb apparently has settle-down creds, so you can get the girl that night at least.

The guy let slip that he spent more than he wanted (i.e., he had even more money in the bank) on his two bedroom apartment. She is impressed because she can’t afford her an apartment since she doesn’t believe in one bedrooms. How nice for her. A new religion in the making.

He told her she reminded him of someone famous. I couldn’t hear who because of the untimely request by a fellow patron for a bill. Darn. She was not upset because they are still talking and she is trying to make him laugh.

He skis. She doesn’t ski well. Skiing is an “issue for me” she says. He is an athlete but skiing is not his bag. He finishes every sentences on a high note, as if asking a question.

He is driving me to drink. She is driving me to the psychopharmacologist.

I shouldn’t even go to the gym

Posted on July 28, 2009 by 40andover

I’m in the locker room trying to be careful to minimize my “space” because we all know those “space invaders” — naked on the bench (no towel underneath) or, another favorite, naked or half-naked texting. Uh, excuse me while I try to get around your still sweating body toward my locker and change. Skin cancer is a very serious disease and we all should be vigilant about noticing moles, etc. BUT USING THE MIRROR AT THE GYM? I race out of the locker room.

Now I am in the gym “proper”.

Ok. ok. ok. ok. There is a guy who is in his late 60s, has a perma-tan and wears nylon running short-shorts (the one that really captures the perspiration smell) with one of those new-fangled half t-shirts that show off the midrift (is that a word?). For his age, he is in great shape. His clothes are a sartorial tragedy.

Not that I am much better. I look like an anemic 40-something lawyer who hasn’t bought new gym clothes in years. Let’s be clear that I never went for the thong look — I believe in the more covered-up the better.

Sunday night dinner chez nous

Posted on July 26, 2009 by 40andover

When we are not subverting nature, the social fabric of this country and the Word of G-d, my partner and I have (together with our son) have my sister, my brother-in-law and my dad over for Sunday night dinner. Sometimes, my cousin joins us and, in the non-summer months, my partner’s father comes, too. (Both our mothers are now of blessed memory.)

My brother-in-law and my son look at books that contain facts about lots of different things in the ways that big boys and little boys do. So far, not subversive. But wait, they are reading about pre-historic animals and their presently existing descendants, if any. Ok, evolution and not creationism or intelligent design (has anyone holding the latter view ever looked at these scary ugly beasts?) Check the subversive box.

We gather around the table for dinner. A summertime fare. No chilled white wine from the Napa Valley. So, ok so far. Wait, watercress, roasted pine nuts and pasta in the pasta salad. Effete eastern liberals. My dad and partner have camomille tea. AAAAArgh. Check another subversive box.

We talk about world events. Concerned citizens. Good sign. OH, NO, we are talking about health care and end of life care and how not every test is necessary and, even under orthodox doctrine, a procedure can be rejected if it prolongs the function of an organ but not the functioning of the person. Crazy liberals using orthodoxy against those who would preserve life at all costs (except when these same people condone capital punishment). Oooh, looking like a strike out, but since we caught the “pro-life; pro-death penalty” group in its own hypocrisy, let’s call that a foul tip. No check in the subversive box.

It is 7:45pm and time for our son to have a bath, read a story and go to bed and for me to do the dishes. Sounds a little Cleaver-like. We all hug and kiss at the door and our son yells, “family hug!” so three generations huddle together in a big hug, squeeze and many kisses. Uh, oh, hippie commune. Strike three. Big check in the subversive box.

Guess we’ve clearly drank the Obama kool aid. It tastes good, so I think I’ll get more. And for the record, my partner and I have had Saturday night dates since our son was a 1 year-old (he is 7 now). So, if POTUS and FLOTUS need some date night ideas, they should feel free to have their staff members ask us.

A NYC Triathlon

Posted on July 25, 2009 by 40andover

I get the running and the biking in NYC, but the swimming part of the triathlon? _Device Memory_home_user_pictures_IMG00023 Especially when swimming involves the Hudson River. I had to take a picture. There is primordial ooze in there. Does everyone who does this event need a tetanus shot? Will one emerge transmorphed into the Swamp Thing? Every one is worried about Swine Flu. I am worried about stirring up the unknown waters of the Hudson River. This color of green is not eco-friendly. But, I am a cynical New Yorker.

Spitting is a gross habit

Posted on July 24, 2009 by 40andover

My life partner wants me to write a post about public spitting. Here is what she emailed to me:

“It’s out of control. All ages, all races, all demographics and all neighborhoods. So, what does it mean? Who knows? What’s responsible? Hard to tell. How can it be stopped? An idea – Public health campaign? If we could get one tenth of the publicity that swine flu got (and is continuing to get) we could wipe this out in no time. How about a celebrity campaign piece? The possibilities are endless…..”

Now, we were not so much alike 10 years ago when our relationship started. In fact, she would be appalled at some of my posts because “people from good families” don’t write such things. And look at her now. That’s my girl!!

40 — oh wait, yikes!! 50 — andoverblog

Aging and living in urban US

Category Archives: Urban Life