Why I often focus on politics

Posted on October 27, 2009 by 40andover

So, I focus on politics which is sometimes a downer. But I can’t write about the Seinfeldian experiences in my family life because many of them read the blog.

In talking about a future gathering, the purpose of which is to pick at the emotional scabs over a wobbly relationship, I advised the person to wear a HazMat suit because although the people present vary in intensity, all will want to ask inappropriately invasive questions. But I can’t go into the background because I don’t want to be excommunicated from my family.

So, you see my predicament. I find people endlessly fascinating, but I need to keep it out of the family.

That is why I am going back to the gym and try to take public transportation. Because the Seinfeldian experiences happen to me or to strangers and then it is fair game.

A typical day in my life

Posted on October 12, 2009 by 40andover

Crazy day on the road to Utopia.

I had every textbook stress dream a person can have. Teeth falling out. Not being dressed at work. Having to use the bathroom in front of people. Having to take an exam in a course at school I thought I dropped. Running and never making it where I need to go. Have I missed any?

I woke up in a cold sweat and groggy. My partner thinks it is because she put too much garlic in that new recipe she tried last night. While the amount of garlic was indeed impressive and did require a Tums or 5, it didn’t cause my bad dreams. Those I was able to conjure up all by myself.

So, I was exhausted when I started the day at the office. I was able to get some work done before my computer crashed. Apparently, everyone else’s computers worked. Mine was the only one frozen. Maybe it happened because I didn’t have a stress dream about it. Note to self: Don’t get out of bed until you’ve had EVERY stress dream imaginable.

I walked to the east side to have lunch with a friend. I bumped into the Columbus Day parade. A sad little affair with marchers dressed up in period clothes to look like people of Columbus’s time. If you want to parade, go to Randall’s island. Get out of my way in midtown. Although I did get perverse pleasure in being jostled into an Orthodox Jewish man who would not otherwise touch me lest I were ritually unclean (I was not).

I did have an opportunity to pass by a prayer station. I’m not kidding. See? Prayer is fine, but you think with all those who are praying, something would have changed by now. mail

I had a really fun lunch with my friend who is so hysterically funny. Because I want to maintain confidentiality of my sources, her stories will come out over time.

After fighting my computer for the rest of the day (the computer won), I went home on the train. There was a guy drizzling hot sauce on top of the hugest falafel I have ever seen, as he was swaying in the subway car. Shreds of lettuce were falling out of his mouth as he ate. I needed to switch cars at the next stop. In my next car, there was an angry child demanding “eye contact” from his mother and saying hateful things in jags and spurts. I think I witnessed a portrait of a sociopath as a young child. They got off and a bike messenger who reeked of pot got on and everything got sooooo mellow.

A day in the life.

Off to bed. To sleep, perhaps to dream. (Maybe I’ll make a pot of coffee and stay awake to keep the dreams at bay.)

Fairy godmother angel of love

Posted on September 17, 2009 by 40andover

So, I am in a mood most foul after a typical day on my own personal road to Utopia when I descend into the malodorous 42nd Street subway station.

There, to my surprise is . . . the Angel of Love.

And, she is handing out . . .

messages of love.

And, I am charmed. She seems so guileless and weird. She is probably an out-of-work actress rather than an out-of-her-mind NYer.

And then I think, does she make a living this way? Can I do this AND support my family?

One moment’s flight of fantasy is followed by the cold-hearted calculations, all in the City where there is a broken heart for every light on Broadway.

Well, Kanye West acted like a jackass

Posted on September 16, 2009 by 40andover

It is ok to poke fun at No Drama Obama for getting caught on an open mike. Always a problem for politicians. But fall-out and outrage at his comment? Outrage is an outrageous response.

And, “jackass” is better than George Bush’s reference to a reporter as an “asshole” or Reagan’s joke about bombing the USSR.

And, the truth is an absolute defense. Kanye West deserves to be called an arrogant, impolite, egotistical jackass. So, Obama was tame.

Still it is fun to rib the President about the gaffe, but let’s not create a “Curser Movement”.

Another accidental audience

Posted on September 1, 2009 by 40andover

I am in a real estate closing, waiting for documents to be finalized and payments mades.

A small, but irritating fact, the lawyer for the purchaser can’t stop telling me how important and busy is his client, the husband (busier than the rest of us, who are present, obviously) so we have to have him sign and get out fast. He clearly does not realize that there are many busy people in this room, two of whom are there out of love and obligation to sellers (one deceased; the other living in an alternate reality). Whatever.

This lawyer also thinks he is the first person in the world to have a newborn. Of course, he is speaking to his client, the wife, a woman who has a small child and is pregnant. He says things like, my wife pumps breast milk all the time. In fact, he says his refrigerator used to have ice cream and waffles, now it is filled with pumped milk. I am sure I needed to know that the bassinet is next to his wife’s side of the bed so she can bring him into bed to nurse. We are now learning about his mother-in-law who is staying with them. She works for a chiropractor. Fabulous.

Wow, to think I lived without his virtual baby manual during the first 7 years of my son’s life.

I just want to get out of here.

Us, in a rear-view mirror

Posted on August 11, 2009 by 40andover

I am sitting in a restaurant and there are nine loud girls and one guy celebrating one of the girls’ birthday. Rachel is her name. They are impossibly young, loud and full of energy. They are maybe two years out of college. I am transported back 22 years when a bunch of us lived in NYC post-college and we were similarly impossibly young, loud and full of energy. Instead of being annoyed, I am comforted by this scene. In my mind’s eye, I see OUR group of friends with mid-80s hairdos (one with especially puffy hair) and outfits (shoulder pads a la the TV Show, Dynasty).

I wouldn’t trade places with them for a second. The life I imagined for me back then bears no resemblance to the actual course of my life so far and I am happy for the difference.

And their possibilities are limited only by the passage of time and that is a hard and heart-breaking lesson. If I had one thing to tell these girls it would be : freeze your eggs (assuming the technology gets better) or freeze embryos. Time waits for no one. That’s years and years away and, yet, it goes so fast.

It seems like yesterday that I was 22 or 23. I still act about 12, which still makes me more mature than my 7 year-old but barely.

Life is beautiful. It just goes so fast.

Have fun, girls, and remember what I said.

You GO, Jenny Sanford

Posted on August 7, 2009 by 40andover

Your leaving the Governor’s mansion with your boys sets a better example than staying. Spouses should expect respect, love and support from each other. Children learn what to expect from relationships from their parents and, too often, TV. It is just not ok for a spouse to disappear and, upon reappearing, publicly declare love for another person. That is selfish, and emotionally abusive. Does Gov. Sanford want his kids to model that behavior?

Oh I forgot. Gov. Sanford is part of the C Street group — so holy, they can do what they want. See Doonesbury comic strip about the C Street guys. Thank you, Rachel Maddow, for tweeting about this.

First, Crowley and Gates, then O’Donnell and Trump?

Posted on August 1, 2009 by 40andover

USREPORT-US-OBAMA-RACE Obama hit the BIG KUMBAYA with Officer Crowley and Professor Gates.

Even those commentators who rail against Obama actually complimented him. I don’t really know how I feel about it because the president cannot settle every dispute and he is not the Referee-In-Chief. So, maybe it was a teachable moment in do-it-yourself mediation, preferably with some form of social lubricant or liquid confidence.

So, here is the lesson. IT WASN’T ABOUT OBAMA. It is about two people who need and WANT a forum to work things out. And that makes Officer Crowley and Professor Gates the true stars of this summit. This was a racially/socially/politically charged event and the two in the middle reached across the divide and set an example for a nation.

So, in that vein, Rosie O’Donnell made an overture to the Donald, which he turned down in a way in his typical fashion. He was offensive. Rosie, nice gesture, but don’t wait for Donald. He doesn’t have the right stuff.

The accidental audience on someone else’s first date

Posted on July 29, 2009 by 40andover

I should keep my ears closed. I should have brought a book. But they were so loud. I sat; I listened; I blogged.

Last night was weekday date night for my partner and me. I was early because I closed a deal and, flush with the knowledge of getting paid for a deal, I left the office early and waited at a quasi-trendy place for my beloved to join me.

So, I sat at the bar and this is what happened in real time (think of me as a stenographer):

Two people next to me are having a first date. The guy is trying to establish his bona fides as a New Yorker — born in Manhattan, first few years in Brooklyn (when it was uncool to live there) and then to NJ. As a Manhattan native, I believe that he still needs a visa to come to the island, let’s be honest.

They are now talking about their siblings’ good marriages and failed marriages. She responds to something he said (which eagle ears here can’t quite understand above the din) with, “ohmigod, I can’t believe, like, you know, that happened to my family”. Then Sweet Valley High came up in the conversation, as a benchmark for human behavior. Ok, so art is life’s instruction. I am scared.

Apparently, it is cool to be not into any scene — a guy who is a homebody who owns his apartment gets the girl. Also, the West Side shows you’re deeper and more family-oriented than the East Side, if you believe this guy. Also Murray Hill neighb apparently has settle-down creds, so you can get the girl that night at least.

The guy let slip that he spent more than he wanted (i.e., he had even more money in the bank) on his two bedroom apartment. She is impressed because she can’t afford her an apartment since she doesn’t believe in one bedrooms. How nice for her. A new religion in the making.

He told her she reminded him of someone famous. I couldn’t hear who because of the untimely request by a fellow patron for a bill. Darn. She was not upset because they are still talking and she is trying to make him laugh.

He skis. She doesn’t ski well. Skiing is an “issue for me” she says. He is an athlete but skiing is not his bag. He finishes every sentences on a high note, as if asking a question.

He is driving me to drink. She is driving me to the psychopharmacologist.

Another bus experience

Posted on July 10, 2009 by 40andover

I’m on the M5. So far nothing totally gross to report. But then again we’re only at 59th Street. Ooh, some prospects for the freak show just got on. We’re waiting, we’re waiting . . . . A whole block and nothing. What gives? No one is on the phone uttering the immortal line, “Yeah, I’m like on the bus” or “I went to my gynecologist and . . .”. Is this NY? Is this public transportation?

Ah, a woman on her cell phone. Phew. I thought I was transported to Oz (or worse, Kansas). The previously reported contestants for the freak show disembarked without incident. Oh no, how will I handle near-gentility in a New York bus?

Ok, a man got on who could have been Bachelor No. 3 on the Dating Game or a swinging guy in a 1970s moving about a singles building complex starring Julie Newmar. Leisure suits, over-sized glasses brushed-back hair. Maybe “Love, American Style” (ok, you need to be in your 50s to remember that). Not a natural fiber on him. Phew, New York has not failed me.

Ok, Grace is raining down on me. A man who is eating salt water taffy is trying to get it out of the crevices of his teeth without using his fingers. The facial contortions are remarkable.

Ah, now more action — homeys with some neck action and attitude being bothered by everything. I best not be in their sphere of space although it always extends as far as the next person so somehow it can be inconvenient. That neck movement coupled with the facial contortions of taffy man has really made this trip interesting. “That’s right” plus a lip-smacking sound implying disgust plus a neck jerk and an eye roll.

Other important questions raised on this ride: Why do grey haired white men think they can get away without shaving for a day or two? How do women with scary nails take their metro cards out of their wallets without scratching the operative strip? How do they wipe their tooshies without creating scar tissue?

My stop. More another time.

40 — oh wait, yikes!! 50 — andoverblog

Aging and living in urban US

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