Al Chet

Posted on October 8, 2011 by 40andover

The “Al Chet” is a commual confessional said ten times during Yom Kippur. (There is also the silent, personal confessional said ad nauseum, so it isn’t as easy as it sounds.)

For the Al Chet (guttural “ch”), each line starts with: “For the sin we have committed before [G-d]” and then gets pretty detailed:

under duress or willingly; by hard-heartedness; inadvertently; with immorality; openly or secretly; with knowledge and with deceit; through speech: by deceiving a fellowman; by improper thoughts; by verbal [insincere] confession; by disrespect for parents and teachers; by using coercion; desecrating the Divine Name; with evil inclination; by false denial and lying; by a bribe-taking or a bribe-giving hand; in business dealings; by eating and drinking; with proud looks; with impudence; and on and on.

After every few, we Jews ask: V’al kulam Eloha s’lichot, s’lach lanu, m’chal lanu, kaper lanu (For all of these things, G-d of forgiveness, pardon us, forgive us, let us atone.)

Generally, I really dig in deep when it comes to the sins of pride, speaking ill of someone, improper thoughts and eating and drinking. Ok, impudence, too. And, ok ok ok ok, taking G-d’s name in vain. But as a general matter, I am comfortable that the other sins are not mine in particular although on Yom Kippur we stand as a community and “own” these sins as a group.

Still, while the confessional is detailed but it is easy not to connect with the words on the page. So, at our synagogue, during Selichot (the prep holiday for the Ten Days of Sorry), our synagogue congregants write down sins for which they seek atonement. [a side note: just the “Ten Days of Sorry” comment is going to be a BIG issue for 5773 if I last so long.]

Some of the “al chets” were: littering, not recycling, abusing substances, infidelity and unprotected sex. While this may be ground-breaking in an Orthodox shul or a church, in our synagogue serving the gay, bisexual, transgendered, intersex, queer-identified community, their families and their friends (the printing is getting soooo expensive) with a social justice mandate (as if being home to everyone and literally his or her Jewish mama isn’t social justice enough), these “al chets”, too, have become rather mundane over 20 years.

But there was one “al chet” that stuck with me: for the sin that I have sinned against G-d by maligning Orthodox Jews.

Whoa!!!! That stopped me in my tracks. I used to greet Jews with a kippah (skull cap) or a sheidl (wig) as fellow travelers seeking a good, meaningful life. I learned over the years that one doesn’t inherit religious or ethical principles. So, a child with a yarmulke can be as good or as evil or as somewhere-in-between as the rest of us. Yet, they wear a costume of piety. I have learned first hand about how some kosher, Sabbath observing, “pious” Jews are not ethical, moral or righteous.

I have been crushed, disillusioned and personally harmed by the nefarious, immoral and dishonest deeds of those parading as pious, even those who are called “rabbi”. And not because they object to my sexual orientation (there is no prohibition against lesbians in Torah).

As a result, I do deal with Orthodox Jews with greater suspicion than I do others. And that is wrong. The good and right thing is to assess each person according to that person’s merits.

It all comes down to a derivative of the golden rule: Don’t judge a book by its cover.

For the sin that I have sinned by maligning all orthodox Jews on account of a few pretenders AND wanting to rip off their Yamulkes or sheidls, Eloha s’lichot (G-d of forgiveness), pardon me, forgive me, let me atone. But if the person deserves it, I want the Heavens to clap with thunder and the angels to blow those crazy little bugels, ok?
Wow, Yom Kippur is over by less than two hours and I am soooo cooked for next year. . . . . . .

Even More to Talk About

Posted on August 7, 2011 by 40andover

COB (colleague of blogger), wants to write for the Alternate View (see prior blog entries). He thinks Blogger and SNOBFOB (my awesomely funny friend who isn’t so sure she wants to be associated with blogger on-line) should try a YouTube video first, one that is a “parody” of The View.

Here are his ideas for the guests:

Someone from the “Iced” Tea Party [blogger comment: or The Latte League, truly effete, New York liberal intellectuals]
A 10 year-old who has ideas for running government more efficiently [blogger comment: or Christine O’Donnell, who has the IQ of a ten year-old and is a witch to boot]
A gay/lesbian person who is against same sex marriage [blogger comment: or Mr. Michele Bachmann, who thinks he cured himself]
A person who is now an actor/actress since they can’t get a different job in this economy [blogger comment: because everyone assumes actors and actresses, especially the most talented ones, are unemployed]
A crazy person (COB thinks I could fill that role.) [blogger comment: I think COB could audition for this role.]

Not a bad start.

Where do we go from here?

Posted on July 28, 2011 by 40andover

I have this terrible feeling that I, along with everyone else in this country, am being sacrificed at the altar of hubris and zealotry.

“Take no prisoners” is a way of waging war. It is not a way of governing. True believers and purists on both sides of the aisles are important counterbalances, but they cannot dictate the future of our nation. Even Grover Norquist said letting the Bush tax cuts (which affect me) expire and closing tax loopholes are not “new” taxes (phew, because if repealing subsidies for corporate jets is so problematic in these times of George W. Bush deficits, then let’s all join hands and drown ourselves). Shouldn’t the true believers be swayed? I guess it is a new, virulent strain of true believer. One that speaks to God directly. It must be a local call because the long distance charges alone could bankrupt a person.

For those who invoke G-d and destiny in the argument surrounding the raising of the debt ceiling, I send this quote:

“Do Justice, Love Mercy and Walk Humbly with your God.”

This is the answer to two questions posed in Micah, Chap. 6:8: “What does the Lord require of you? What are you supposed to do to live faithfully with your God?”

Why am quoting scripture? Because I am that desperate for the extremists to take pity on us and our nation and make some hard and dare I say, PRACTICAL, decisions.

I understand taking a hard line in the abortion debate, in the capital punishment debate and in the war debates. These are about potential life, actual life and the taking of life. But, in the money debate? I think you can tell what God thinks about money by who has the most. So, let’s not bring God into this. Let’s be honest. It is about political gain and power. And that is about as un-God-like as you can get.

You know the world is tilted in the wrong direction when I am trying to “protect” God’s good name from God’s self-proclaimed followers. As far as I can tell, they are frauds.

Mad Vow Descends on New York — And How Wonderful It Was!!!

Posted on July 25, 2011 by 40andover

It was overcast. It was pedestrian. It was a long line on Worth Street. I bet a few wondered if they could get their driver’s licenses renewed while they waited. It was spectacular. It was thrilling.

It was a jumble of emotions.

It was, except for the lines (and that it was a Sunday), so unremarkable in its normality, that I wanted to cry for joy. Yet a whole community celebrated standing in line for a marriage license — something that everyone else, until now, took for granted and, frankly, groused about. Young and old, of every nationality and race, same sex couples stood on that line. Four couples with whom we are especially close took their vows yesterday. We couldn’t find them. G-d bless texting and emails because we all knew we were there somewhere standing as witnesses.

Even Samantha Bee and Jason Jones from the Daily Show were on hand to mock the events. That is how you know you have arrived.

Some sang and danced around and under the rainbow chupah (wedding canopy) [see above shot, looking up].

There was a lone protester. He said terrible things that TLP (our son, the little prince) asked about. TLP also asked why I said, “Shame on you!!” to the protester. I told him that the protester used bad words and is spewing hate in the name of Jesus who was a man of love. “Well, E-Mom, maybe it is because you and Mommy won’t be married until June.”

G-d bless TLP. He thinks the problem is that we are living in sin. But all will be ok once we get married in June. In fact, he told some people on the subway who got married, “don’t worry, WE are getting married in June!!!” Yep, the whole family.

The times they are a’changing

Posted on July 6, 2011 by 40andover

I always knew I was gay. People often ask, “how could you know before you were ever with a woman?” “The same way you always knew you were straight,” I say. But the truth is that kids don’t think in terms of gay or straight. They are who they are. So, I knew as much that I was gay as straight kids knew they were straight. Labels didn’t apply yet. It only became an issue in the teenage years and beyond. I desperately tried to be like everyone else, to the point of going overboard.

In the 1970s-90s, it was something to be hidden if I wanted to be a successful lawyer, if I wanted to fit in, if I wanted to get into the right social and professional crowds. By the late 1990s, the gulf between who I was and who I pretended to be was wider than the San Andreas fault (gee, I hope that the fault line is wide, or I bungled this analogy). I was tired of the schism, and so tired of the inevitable lies that somehow never fooled anyone, that I was willing to give up some measure of “success” and “acceptance” for peace of mind and peace of being. That’s when the journey toward self-acceptance and family acceptance began. A long, winding road, filled with pot holes, and yet, at various critical points, surrounded by warmth and beauty.

Today, the Ninth Circuit ruled that the military must end “don’t ask, don’t tell”. Last week, New York legalized same-sex marriage. A recent poll reported that more people in the country support gay marriage than not.

Still, I am not equal in the United States of America, the beacon of liberty to all nations. But I am closer to equal than ever before.

I just hope that there comes a time when people wonder why there ever was a need to fight for equality — for anyone, anywhere.

President Obama, Save the Date

Posted on June 27, 2011 by 40andover

Dear President Obama:

I know, deep down, in your heart of hearts, you are not anti-gay marriage. In fact, I think you don’t understand why people draw the line in the sand on this issue. Given what a mess heterosexuals make of marriage, who should care if more people want to get married and then pay the marriage tax, to boot. If some crazy gays want to do this, then G-d bless, right?

But you’ve missed the point. It’s about taxation.

People don’t want to subject us queers to the marriage tax because the problem in Washington is spending, not revenue.

How about if you have a special tax code exemption for us so we don’t have to see our hard-earned dollars go into social programs? Maybe speak with Majority Leader Boehner (and how come his name isn’t pronounce “Boner” anyway?) about this. I am sure that he will drop his Defense of Marriage Act defense once he realizes the gay marriage is not back door taxation. (Don’t even think that was a clever pun for those who are male.)

Look, the GOP standard bearers want to protect our lives and our incomes. Why else would they not want us to serve in the military? And not marry? Well, aren’t we the unanticipated darlings of the far-right?

This is the triple negative political action play that is making my head spin. But never mind the GOP.

Andrew Cuomo, Bill Clinton and Hillary Clinton have all stepped on the bandwagon. Now I know the Clintons aren’t running for political office anymore (maybe a seat on the Supreme Court . . . ). But Cuomo figures by 2016, equality will be a non-issue. And he is right. But you are in the “here and now” where it is gutsy to be a sitting President and lead by example.

You’re in a tough spot. Let me sweeten the pot. POB (partner of blogger) and I are getting married next year. We had planned it well before the vote because we just wanted to celebrate our family and friends.

There’s an invitation with Michelle’s and your names on it if you just say. . .

“Yes, gays can.”

Weiner, Whiner, Weenie

Posted on June 7, 2011 by 40andover

And another one bites the dust.

It is all so stupid. I don’t care about Weiner’s weiner. I don’t care about for Sen. Craig’s gay liaisons. I don’t care about Gov. Sanford’s Argentinian fiasco or Schwarzenneger’s love child(ren). I don’t care about Bill Clinton’s dalliances. Or Al Gore’s ooky come-on lines with the spa masseuse. And Dominique Strauss-Kahn can have all les liaisons dangereuses possible. Those are PRIVATE matters until:

Sen. Craig, who was virulently anti-gay until his actions showed himself a hypocrite and in serious need of counseling.

The governor of South Carolina was unreachable for a time without transferring power to the lieutenant governor (even if that guy is a psycho right wing nut).

Bill Clinton lied under oath when he was president, and therefore head of the executive wing that includes the Department of Justice. It was just about sex until he committed perjury.

Al Gore just showed himself to be gross and awkward in an alleged encounter with a masseuse that makes even the words “suave” and “debonair” cringe.

DSK allegedly did not have non-consensual sex. (It is a crime. Whether or not he was set up, “no” is “no” assuming the housekeeper said, “no” (ou “non”).)

GOP representative Mark Foley sent inappropriate emails to underage senate pages and should have been jailed.

The list goes on and on.

Anthony Weiner is a hypocrite. He also said something really scary: he did not know the ages of the females with whom he was corresponding. THAT reckless behavior together with his self-righteous attitude toward anyone who doesn’t share his Progressive political perspective and his inability to accept responsibility from the outset bears on his fitness as a leader.

Weiner has been hoisted on his own petard and burnt. He should slink away and get counseling.

I don’t hate men (and I love POB (partner of blogger) who is a woman) but I just don’t get it. Is it a power thing?

I teach my son, “You do it, you live with it. You own up to what you’ve done. Try to make it right and learn from it.” But I can’t compete with these idiots who show that you have a 50-50 shot at holding onto power and prestige if you deny, deny and deny.

The one guy who deserves re-election? The GOP representative who showed his bare chest to someone on email or some chat room and became the GOP sacrificial lamb.

Who is Grover Norquist and why is he so powerful?

Posted on May 24, 2011 by 40andover

Check this guy out. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grover_Norquist.

Why is this man more powerful than the rest of us voters? Why does he get to trump the one-man, one-vote rule of our democracy?

If you think I am joking, read this: http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2011-05-24/norquist-emerges-as-barrier-to-u-s-debt-deal.html.

Most of the GOP lawmakers have signed a pledge prepared by his organization that there will be no new taxes or increases in taxes. According to the Bloomberg article, Norquist, President of “Americans for Tax Reform, says he has secured written pledges from 40 of the 47 Republicans in the Senate and 233 of 240 party members in the House. More than 1,300 state-level legislators, governors and even auditors have also signed, Norquist said. That includes Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker, Texas Governor Rick Perry and Ohio Governor John Kasich, all Republicans, he said.”

Of course he was lobbying for Fannie and Freddie before he was against them as emblematic of government waste and overreach. (He may not be wrong, but he says it with unclean hands.) “Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac brought us this collapse … This was criminal negligence on the part of Barney Frank and Dodd.” Really? Really?

Oh, yeah, his partner in his lobbying venture was convicted in the Abramoff scandal.

I guess it begs the question: how stupid are WE? After all, we as a country elected representatives that promised to be doctrinaire no matter what happens, no matter what they find when they get to Washington, no matter what they learn on the job. If these representatives took that pledge after we elected them, that would be treason, because they would be beholden to someone not “the people” or the “nation”. Yes, treason. TREASON.

Grover Norquist is made possible through the ignorance of us all.

Hitting the roof

Posted on May 16, 2011 by 40andover

Ok, ok, ok, ok, ok, even the Republicans, Boehner himself, have acknowledged the catastrophic nature of our nation’s defaulting on its obligations. Yet, lawmakers are trying to leverage our need to raise the debt ceiling to exact political points.

Yes, lawmakers think they can play brinksmanship with our future. The mere fact that our politicians would keep the world — and us — in suspense until August will erode our creditworthiness abroad and the global confidence in our economy. We think of us as a society where our word is our bond. Well, look in the mirror. It isn’t pretty.

Imagine how you would view a country so divided in their “parliament” that one side is willing to risk ruin to have its way — slash and burn tactics. So, just because we are the United States of America, you think we can mess with this stuff, without ramifications? If you do, you are arrogant AND crazy.

Am I good with so much debt? No way. I pay my credit cards on time. I can afford my mortgage and could pay it off tomorrow. I believe that a person, a family, a country must live within its means. If we need to spend more, then someone needs a second (part-time) job. We didn’t do that and fought two wars and gave tax cuts to people like me who never asked for one, didn’t need one and didn’t want one. So, now we have to live with the consequences. And I am willing to pay more in taxes to clean up George Bush’s and Trent Lott’s and Bill Frist’s nightmare.

It is important to note that the GOP — under whose governance drove us into this debt hole — is the party that is playing it to the bone. Not because they are arrogant; but because they are hypocrites. And the hypocrisy is so galling that it makes me want to go to the Congress and shout: “WORRY ABOUT US AND NOT YOUR POLL NUMBERS, YOUR JOBS AND YOUR POWER!!!!!!! FIX IT NOW.” If there is a report of a middle-aged lunatic screaming in the House of Representatives, you’ll know that I may be off-line for a while, in federal custody.

I think we have to raise the debt ceiling, not only because the credit of our great nation is at stake, but because it makes sense. And, although I am an unabashed and unapologetic liberal, I am conservative in my investments and my rationale for raising the debt ceiling is, to my mind, steeped in the rudiments of getting out of debt and on a sustainable course.

It is, perhaps, counter-intuitive that a shirt-maker in bankruptcy should be allowed to borrow MORE in order to pay workers to stitch together the pieces of cloth so that they become shirts. Scraps of cloth are worthless; however, a completed shirt sells for something. That differential is presumably more than the amount borrowed. The net effect is that there is a meaningful exit from bankruptcy where the assets of the company are maximized to pay off debts and re-emerge on sounder footing.

We have many fights ahead about just how we re-emerge from this mess a stronger nation, indivisible, with liberty, FAIRNESS and justice for all. Let’s give ourselves some breathing room, for our sakes and the future of our country.

You may disagree with me on principle (IFOB (Italian friend of blogger) and JR (old friend from Camp Wingate/Camp Kirkland): go at me) but you can’t disagree with the necessity and exigencies of the circumstances — with a no-win choice, you must choose to raise the roof.

Dear Paul

Posted on April 12, 2011 by 40andover

Dear Paul:

I am not a Ryan, but I know members of your extended family.

I know you come from such a good family, with strong community values based in religious precepts, like the one about taking care of the poor and the stranger. Or the other one about not putting a stone in the way of a blind person. And even though Rabbi Hillel said, “do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” that is totally in sync with the Christian Bible.

Here’s the big problem with your budget:

No amount of spending cuts is going to get us out of the hole caused by waging war in Iraq, Afghanistan and, now, Libya.

Paying for these requires tax increases. (Remember when the GOP just put the Iraq and Afghanistan tabs on the credit card and, oops, forgot to put these line items in the budget??????)

Cut all you want from social programs, etc. Go on.

But one year from now, when the deficit is still essentially as large as it now, there will need to be a tax increase on all Americans.

All you will have done is gutted the social compact that each generation has with another: we will not leave those vulnerable in our society — the young and the old — to fend for themselves. The very social compact that makes America great.

What are you thinking?

40 — oh wait, yikes!! 50 — andoverblog

Aging and living in urban US

Category Archives: The Audacity of . . . Hypocrisy