Category Archives: BEING DIFFERENT

A National Day of Sanity

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It has been said that uncertain times make great leaders.  That was said about FDR.  But it can make for deranged leaders, like Hitler, and their followers.

The fevered pitch of the extremists in our society have enabled ill-qualified, borderline personalities like Glenn Beck to figure front and center in our national discussion.  (I might add, to give the appearance of even-handedness, that Keith Olbermann didn’t have appropriate credentials when he started Countdown.)

It has even forced a comedian — Jon Stewart — to sponsor the Million Moderate March on Washington on October 30th.  

A totally average (yet incredibly funny) man is taking a stand to tell everyone to sit down, shut up and chill out, complete with signs like ” I may disagree with you, but you’re not Hitler,” and “Got Competence?”

If this goes off well, October 30th should be celebrated every year as the “National Day of Sanity” because, at least, once a year, America needs a reality check. 

Instead of saying things like, “Happy Thanksgiving” or “have a great Memorial Day weekend,”  our national greeting on that day will be:

“Really? really?  You think so?  Really?” 

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What is France thinking?

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Never known for its warm and welcoming manner, France has outdone itself.

First, it has deported Gypsies, an act condemned by the European Union.  But no sanctions were levied.

Now the legislature has banned burqas — the Muslim full-on veil.  Maybe people — me included — think that it is a little imprisoning to be totally covered at all times.  But the government of a politically democratic (and culturally snobby) country outlawing an outward sign of piety?  What if France wanted to outlaw the kipah (the beanie worn by religious Jewish men and cardinals and popes) or the sheitl (wig worn by religious Jewish women), would there be an outcry??  I think the answer is clearly yes.

Deportations . . . singling out customs of a religious minority . . . hmmm. . . . Is it Germany 1933?  Sad, but true, it is France 2010.

And don’t think this is an aberration.  Belgium and Spain are considering a burqa ban, too.

Lest we forget . . .

First, they came for the Jews.  But I was not a Jew, so I did not speak up.
 Then they came for the communists.  But I was not a communist, so I did not speak up.
Then they came for the trade unionists.  But I was not a trade unionist, so I did not speak up.
And when they came for me, there was no one left to speak out for me.

(Attributed to Pastor Martin Niemöller (1892–1984))

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How desperate am I?

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How desperate?

I clicked onto comedycentral@email.comedycentral.com and actually thought about making a video and trying to get “discovered”.  Then I could leave the practice of law and, yet, not disappoint my mother (may she rest in peace).

Then I realized that it was just a gimmick (su-u-u-u-u-r-r-pri-i-i-ise!!!) to watch the Daily Show with Jon Stewart.  Thank G-d I have my day job still.

But still I am thinking about what kind of correspondent I would be. Senior Middle-Aged White Jewish Woman With Impulse Control Issues Correspondent?

What would I talk about?  I think people would be interested in some lesser known Jewish cultural and religious customs.  In fact, it would make even the crazy, anti-muslims bigots in the country start thinking that Islam is mainstream.

I thought of a few topics:

What to wear on Tu B’Shevat?  That’s Jewish Arbor Day.  One has to be careful not to have clashing shades of green.

Digestion. Why is it a cultural imperative to wait one hour after lunch before going back in the pool or the ocean? Even highly educated people still hold to this bubbemeisa (Yiddish equivalent of “old wives’ tale”).  Why?  Because — G-d forbid — a freak accident occurred and someone who didn’t wait the one hour got a cramp in the water and drowned, then all of the guilt that has amassed since being thrown out of the Garden of Eden (we have original guilt, not original sin) will come crashing on your head.  So, doctors of all things know better than to stare down history and Jewish karma (forgive the mixing of metaphors).

Maturity. How is it possible to be a man under Jewish law and still have to ask your mother’s permission to have a play date after school?  Answer: boys are born as gods, grow up to be princes and then graduate to manhood (Bar Mitzvah), all by the time they are 13.  No wonder they have such problems as they age.  They peak too early.

Circumcision.  Do you know what people do with the foreskin afterwards?  A little known fact — the foreskin is buried under a sapling or small tree (but not small like a bonsai tree) and when the boy is ready to get married, the branches are cut from the tree to make the wedding canopy (chupah).  We know firsthand, because my father-in-law made us store it in the freezer for months until he had a chance to go to the country house and bury it.  Needless to say, there was nothing ELSE in the freezer and we got rid of the refrigerator as soon as possible.  The echo of generations of screaming babies in our refrigerator could be the subject of a made-for-TV movie.

So it is a vicious cycle:  moyel (ritual circumciser) cuts boy, boy grows up and cuts tree, tree beats scissors, scissors are used to cut the next boy’s foreskin . . . and so on. . . and so on.

Ok, I have to stop now.  When I start making rock, paper, scissors ooky, I know I have gone, at warp speed, off the reservation, on my way to hell.  Anyone need a ride?

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Happy Birthday Humanity

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Tonight is the beginning of Rosh Ha-Shanah, the Jewish New Year.

According to “the rabbis” (which makes me think that you can say whatever you want as long as you preface it with, “according to the rabbis”), it is the birthday of the world.  The world took 6 days (or 30 billion years, whatever) to be created, so which day is the birthday of the world?

According to our rabbi, who said, “according to the rabbis” (so we know she could have been making this up), we celebrate the day on which humankind was created, which is the 6th day (or, if you are thinking the evolution of homo sapien sapiens, 30,000 or so years ago).

The rabbi’s point (among many in her drash) is that we are not celebrating anything particularly Jewish.  We are celebrating all humankind.  As we are getting increasingly (and depressingly) politically polarized and religiously sectarian the world over, the invitation to step outside of these paradigms and celebrate the whole wide world is exhilarating.

Adam and Eve (or Joe and Jane Homo Sapien Sapien) were not Jews, Christians, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, Sikhs, Jainist or anything.  They were humans.

As the rabbi went on in her drash about the importance of supporting the Islamic cultural center in lower Manhattan, she invited people to voice their issues with it.  There were those in the congregation (happily, just a few vocal ones) that couldn’t step back from the polarization.

As Jews with non-mainstream sexual orientations and gender identities (I am a little too middle-aged to understand all the complexities here), I couldn’t imagine that anyone in the congregation would not see the opposition to the cultural center as fear-mongering and scapegoating.  But there it was.  Complacency and fear are the enemies of the ideals that make America great.  And they make Jews forget that “we were strangers in the land of Egypt” and enslaved.  This sad devolution of the American Jewish experience fell starkly against the backdrop of Jews marking the birth of humankind.

I must admit that I started the evening and this holiday “just going through the motions,” with my head still in a deal at the office.   But this concept hit me in a way that unexpectedly woke up my emotional need to “connect” (to what, I am not yet sure).

So, even though it is a Jewish Holy Day, I am celebrating everyone, everywhere (ok, I draw a personal line at the extremists of any faith or philosophy, into which categories I include the left wingnuts of the Democratic Party).

That is a good feeling.

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Blogcation Year 2, Day Whatever – Too Much Information

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So, on vacation, one can lose track of days, especially when one has drowned one’s blackberry (accidentally).

Our G-d daughter and her life partner came over for a couple of days.  We gave them the downstairs bedroom (with two full baths – go figure) and POB (partner of blogger), our son and I took the two bedrooms upstairs (with one bathroom to share).

As is often the case on vacation, everyone’s toiletries bags are open and strewn around the bathroom.   I was downstairs with our G-d daughter and her partner talking, and POB and our son were upstairs so he could get ready for bed.

Our G-d daughter’s partner overhears our son’s question to POB, “Mommy, what are Tampax?”  She repeats the question to us.  I jump up and ask, “[POB], do you need help?” “Ye-e-es” she responds in a way that says I am too tired to deal with this.

So, I run upstairs, my mind blank about the “Tampax” issue.  I get to the bathroom and say (because my son is a bit of a bird nerd), “You know how birds make nests when they are ready to lay eggs?  Well, imagine that we have nests inside us.  If we don’t produce an egg, then the nest has to leave our body and we use Tampax and other products to avoid the messiness that ensues from the nest disintegrating.”

He’s 8 years old

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From Ben to Bust in 234 years

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Benjamin Franklin, a rock star of his generation, said, when signing the Declaration of Independence, “United we stand, divided we fall.”  Our founding fathers and the colonies, united, defeated a great and mighty empire.

Throughout our brief yet notable history, the cities of our nation were known for the dog-eat-dog way that fellow citizens treated their neighbors, eschewing the cornerstone of religious faith, all the while claiming to be part of the most upright of Christian nations.  But, outside the cities (or so I would like to think), neighbors helped each other and generations of families lived together, all working to keep everyone afloat.  Maybe it is the romantic myth of the heartland.  But, I am buying it, lock, stock and barrel.

Today, we live in a society where people are more worried about their morning lattes than they are about ending our two wars, reducing our crushing debt and the stopping all politicking, all of which threaten to bankrupt out nation.

There is no silver bullet cure for our woes.

I heard today that people say that the Congress should not have saved the 300,000 teacher and firefighter jobs because their unions are too strong and teachers earn too much for doing too little.  Ok, so, make the unions feel some pain, but does that justify keeping the Bush tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans?  The illogic is frightening and delusional.

So the great experiment started in 1776 is rounding the drain because of greed and me-first-middle-and-last mind think.

Well, I don’t know about anyone else, but I will forgo my Bush tax cut that I never wanted and didn’t need to pay for health care and to start reducing the deficit.

How about this:  we make giving up the tax cuts voluntary.  Just like the optional $1.00 gift to Wildlife Preservation (or is it public campaign finance?) on our tax forms.  Just put a line item on the 2010 tax return that says, “This is how much more you would pay if the Bush tax cuts lapsed.  Do you want to pay this amount (a) to reduce the deficit, (b) to pay for health care for the uninsured or (c) 50% to each?” and publish the list of people who contribute to these funds.

Maybe neighbors will embarrass neighbors into paying the money (because if you’re not on the list, either you’re selfish or you don’t make enough) or we have a pledge drive and use positive peer pressure.

Either way, Mr. President, I am with you for letting lapse the tax cut I never wanted and our nation couldn’t afford.

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Post-Script to The Kids Are All Right

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I recently ranted (what else is new) about the movie, “The Kids Are All Right,” the first film about a lesbian family to come out of a major movie producer (http://40andoverblog.com/?p=2559).

Apparently, for the under-30 crowd (and maybe my own age-group), the lesbian sex scene is not so bizarre.

Ok.  I get it, in every marriage, sometimes you need to change things up to keep it interesting, but I still stand by my lament: for the first major motion picture about lesbians and their kids, there couldn’t be a little romance?  It IS Hollywood, after all.  And it isn’t like the movie didn’t push the outer edge of the believability envelope in other ways.

How about throwing a bone to the hopeless romantics in the crowd who still love and adore their spouses?

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Dear Mr. President, please read the Judge’s opinion

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I accept (but disagree) with President Obama’s view that marriage should be between a man and a woman, as a matter of personal religious belief or doctrine.  But I do not accept that view from him in his capacity of head of state.

As to the legal issues, if one reads the opinion striking down Proposition 8, it clearly sets out the correct legal premise that the state gives the marriage license and that it need not be consecrated in a religious ceremony.  Celebrants of the various religious faiths need not perform same-sex marriages, but it is irrelevant to the actions of the state.  The USDA certifies pork and pork products, but many religions prohibit the eating of pork. http://40andoverblog.com/?p=2124

What is the real legal issue?   Equal protection under the laws. 

As to the social issues, I don’t want anyone’s tolerance.  I refuse to rely on someone else’s good graces and “open” mind in order to live my life.  

 

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Uproar over a mosque? Really?

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Why not a mosque near Ground Zero?

If we cannot separate out bad actors from an entire religion, then we are the evil bigots in the propaganda.

AND, we have to look in our collective mirror and see that we are not the people or nation of freedom and “ill-will-toward-none” that we would like to believe (and have others believe) we are.

Ok, so no mosque at Ground Zero.  Then what logically flows from that statement are:

  • All Oklahomans should be barred from national monuments because Timothy McVeigh, our HOMEGROWN terrorist, was from Oklahoma.  In fact, Oklahoma is so close to those other states (help me out here) that they may harbor terrorists or may have recruitment camps.  So, let’s ban them (once I look at a map and figure out who they are).  Also, are they practicing Methodists, Baptists, Unitarians or some other Protestant sect?  If so, then none of those churches can be erected near national monuments.  No, sirreeee.   [It would be kind of funny if only ashrams, synagogues, Sikh temples, Hindu temples and Buddhist temples could be built on Ground Zero.]
  • The good ol’ USA is a rogue nation.  We are the only country that has used nuclear weapons.  We have not renounced them (like New Zealand — ok, not a newsmaker, but a start).  And bombing Nagasaki after we obliterated Hiroshima makes Kim Jong Il seem like just another weird guy with a bad haircut, wearing woman’s sunglasses.
  • Lady Liberty,  the welcoming beacon in our Harbor, has to be renovated so she can raise one hand with a sign or she can fling people back out to sea (see video, too crazy:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-BE6GyHcASE&feature=related) because we forget that EXCEPT for the Native Americans, whom we decimated under the theory of “Manifest Destiny” (oh, yeah, add GENOCIDE to our nuclear bad acts), we all descend from immigrants.

I am glad my grandparents and my mother never lived to see this day.  Their America was the beacon of hope and the fulfillment of their dreams.  To them, this was a great country where whoever you are and from wherever you came, you could make a life for your family.  Maybe people didn’t like them because they were Jews but people left them alone.

That was America.  This, this, this is a place I don’t know or understand.

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The Kids Are All Right but the Moms need some help, big time.

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POB (partner of blogger) and I went to see the movie, “The Kids Are All Right,” about a lesbian couple and their two kids and the sperm donor who is invited into their lives by the elder child (who turned 18 and can get the information).

It got great reviews.   After seeing it, I realize that these reviewers are straight.

Based on the (straight people) reviews, I was looking forward to seeing how my life turns out (not really, but sort of really).  Two happily married lesbians raising their kids.  Sounded like a Utopian fantasy come to major motion picture.

Of course, I have my own issues — I am not a biological parent.  At least, each of these moms was biologically related to a child.  That is firmer ground than that which I will stand when coming face to  face with FOS (the face of sperm man), should it happen.  (OF COURSE, it will happen, but I intend to be in a state of dementia at that point.)

Back to the movie.  The hetero sex scenes were more enthralling than the one (count it, ONE) quasi-I-didn’t-understand-what-the-f$%^-was-going-on scene with the women.  Gay male porn and one woman under the covers while that other woman is watching man-on-man and showing no signs of arousal?  Ok, ok, ok.  I went to EVERY class on lesbian indoctrination given by the proponents of the gay agenda.  NO WHERE DID I SEE THIS.  This is NOT how any couple I KNOW gets romantic or has sex (yes, they can be mutually exclusive).

(While being indoctrinated all those many years ago, I did read about some things I decided were safer NOT to try at home, but in a passive-aggressive moment, I left those pamphlets for my mother to read and weep about.  I still feel a little bad but by the end of my mother’s life, she was not focused on fisting one’s partner.) 

I am going to have t-shirts made up that say: 

WE DO IT BUT NOT LIKE NIC AND JULES.

So, in this movie, child is parent to the mothers.  A usual Hollywood turn of events.

And the sexual excitement was spent on one of the mother’s extra-marital affair with Sperm Donor Man.  It was enticing, even though Mark Ruffalo has too much hair.  Also, what is with THAT?

If a lesbian has an affair (I am told) it is often with a woman and, if not a woman, a co-worker or client.  (Well, he was in fact a client at some point in the movie.)

NEVERTHELESS, in our first major motion picture about aging lesbians and their children, couldn’t the producers have made the sex a little steamy?  It isn’t like the L Word didn’t break some ground here.  Couldn’t the producers throw a bone to us true-life lesbians with families?  Keep hope alive for those of us in the midst of parenting and working and dreaming of beautiful sunsets with our partners when the kids are out of the house?

I always thought we were lucky — no Cialis, Viagra, etc. — now I am scared that I have man-on-man porn to look forward to while someone “services” me under covers.  I am soooooo grossed out.

This movie about a “solid” lesbian family is enough to cause therapists to cancel their August recess just to keep up with the demand of freaked out Moms.

Maybe this film touched a nerve (ok, it did) but I have to believe that it needed to please heterosexual America.  And so our lives are casualties.

Paging the L Word.

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