Kiss today goodbye

Posted on August 14, 2009 by 40andover

Today:

in 1935, President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed the Social Security Act. This was a day of celebration for my grandfather who grew up in Czarist Russia and came of age during the Bolshevik Revolution of 1917.

In 1945, Japan surrendered unconditionally to the Allies, ending World War II.

In 1980, Lech Walesa led workers on a strike at the Lenin Shipyard in Gdansk, Poland, leading to the creation of the Solidarity labor movement.

In 2009, Barack Obama, our President, goes to Montana to fight for affordable health care.

First, Crowley and Gates, then O’Donnell and Trump?

Posted on August 1, 2009 by 40andover

USREPORT-US-OBAMA-RACE Obama hit the BIG KUMBAYA with Officer Crowley and Professor Gates.

Even those commentators who rail against Obama actually complimented him. I don’t really know how I feel about it because the president cannot settle every dispute and he is not the Referee-In-Chief. So, maybe it was a teachable moment in do-it-yourself mediation, preferably with some form of social lubricant or liquid confidence.

So, here is the lesson. IT WASN’T ABOUT OBAMA. It is about two people who need and WANT a forum to work things out. And that makes Officer Crowley and Professor Gates the true stars of this summit. This was a racially/socially/politically charged event and the two in the middle reached across the divide and set an example for a nation.

So, in that vein, Rosie O’Donnell made an overture to the Donald, which he turned down in a way in his typical fashion. He was offensive. Rosie, nice gesture, but don’t wait for Donald. He doesn’t have the right stuff.

Ann Coulter

Posted on July 30, 2009 by 40andover

Ann Coulter, please go back under the rock where you’ve been hiding. On Larry King just now, your claim that racial profiling is a hoax is based on two unfortunate episodes of two black kids trying to avoid punishment by saying they were assaulted by whites. Ok, setting aside the history of whites falsely accusing non-whites of assault, etc., what you’ve said has nothing to do with racial profiling. What irks me the most about you is that you make no sense. I am guessing that you can’t the argument on the merits, on facts and on logic. So, instead you deflect and divert attention from these shortcomings.

But, this is America, Ann, so talk. I just turned off the TV. But you caused me to rant and so you’ve won — for now. I am the ultimate winner, because I will never have to wake up and be Ann Coulter. That is your punishment.

A beer with the Prez

Posted on July 30, 2009 by 40andover

I don’t drink beer. After four years of smelling mung beer in fraternity basements in college, the mere suggestion of beer makes my nose hair curl.

Have a beer with the President? You bet. What, my strong aversion to beer? Nah, dude. If that is my ticket to have a sit down with the most powerful man in the nation (who happens to have the cutest ears in the nation), then, what me, an anti-beerist? I’d even drink a rusty can of Rheingold circa 1969 if it gets me on the patio in the Rose Garden.

So, as I see it, here is how I need to orchestrate my 45 minutes with the Big Guy. I have to do something outrageous that actually sparks outrage. (I do outrageous stuff all the time, but no one seems to care.) It has to threaten the kumbaya veneer of society in a menacing, yet ultimately not physically harmful, way. Then it has to be on the 24-hour news RE-cycle, just in time for a Presidential press conference where the President is tired and talking about really important things critical to the nation’s future. Then, with seconds to go before he gets to leave the press room, have his make-up washed off and kick back with Michelle, a friend with press credentials has to ask about my incident. Hopefully, he will be annoyed and the incident will touch a chord in him and he will have an authentic, I-am-human-and-I-have-unscripted-opinions moment. POUNCE!! I got my beer.

So, here is my checklist to close this deal:

outrageous behavior: easy
outrageous behavior that is offensive but does not involve weapons: hmmmmm. Watch celebrity TV shows for ideas.
get attention for outrageous behavior: Get a walk-on spot on “I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!!”
get on 24 hour news RE-cycle: [Do I have to say nice things about CNN?] Start by being an iReporter.
time it with an important press conference: after August recess when Congress is fighting over the health care bill.
have a friend with a press pass to the White House: We need to break this agenda item into 3 subparts: (a) Find a friend, (b) find a friend with press pass and (c) find a friend with press pass to White House.
have friend ask a question on my outrageous behavior (which I learned from the celebrity TV shows or the coverage on the Michael Jackson family circus): do you think tickets to the US Open Tennis men’s and women’s finals will do it?
Get Obama ticked off: easy, just ask my partner.
BEER TIME!!!!

An unknown young woman

Posted on July 29, 2009 by 40andover

I had a chance encounter with a young woman on a train to Harrisburg, PA, in 2007 and it continues to be a transformative experience for me.

She was 22 or 23-ish then. She was wearing size 22 clothes that were still too tight. She has all the low-class trappings (bling, crazy nails, tattoos, talking unintelligible slang on a pink cellphone). I immediately thought about moving my seat because she was so loud on the phone. Then, she turned to me with the sweetest and most earnest look on her face (that made me feel bad for my snarky thoughts) and asked, “do you know anything about Harrisburg? Me and my mom are moving there now.” As in right now, as in on this train, they are relocating because someone told them there were jobs in Harrisburg. Her mom is wiry thin and worn beyond her years — looks like a hard life and hard drugs had their effect. The mother who is my age or younger was scared and shy and sad. Her daughter shared her DVD player and headphones so they could watch I Love Lucy together. I Love Lucy is the diversion of choice for these two women in the year 2007. You can’t make this up.

The economic, social, political and nuclear world has changed in that time. If the world hadn’t changed, I probably wouldn’t think of this young woman, but the world did change and this chance encounter stays with me.

This young woman was braver than I will ever be. More optimistic than I can ever fathom. She is the under-educated try-anything counterpoint to my over-educated disillusionment. I am a lot ashamed that I felt decidedly superior to her when I walked on the train and then incredulous that she would go somewhere on the mere possibility of the chance to get a job and a better job. She had it right. I hope she is successful without conforming. I hope she is happy. I hope her mother is not so sad or scared anymore.

I need to learn a few things from this woman, starting with humility.

Did anyone understand what she said?

Posted on July 27, 2009 by 40andover

On Sunday, Sarah Palin gave another speech, this time, REALLY stepping down. As a parting gesture of kindness, I will assume that her unintelligible press conferences of last month were the result of a hastily-made decision to quit. (Because we she says she is not a quitter and yet she is quitting in the middle of her term, there she goes again speaking English words strung together in a most fascinating way. Maybe it is Palinese.)

She had over a month to prepare her REAL good-bye speech and calibrate her parting impression on her former constituency and the nation. Hmmm. She did not put that time to good use. I wonder what her high school English teachers think? Are they cowering in a corner? Is this the product of a public school education in one of the richest countries in the world? If so, G-d help us.

Sarah, dear, get a speech writer and stick to the teleprompters.

On my mind (with apologies to A.M. Rosenthal)

Posted on July 27, 2009 by 40andover

No one ever trusted politicians. Even our Founding Fathers flung the muck around to win an election. Many of them did not in their personal lives live up to the high ideals of the Declaration of Independence and the Constitutions which they so lovingly drafted. So, even in hoary (or whore-y) times, you could tell most politicians were lying because their lips were moving.

In the last 30 years (which is roughly equivalent to my adult memory), the clergy have disappointed me mightily in big and small ways. First, Bernard Bergman and the nursing home scandal. He dared to wear an outward sign of piety as he sat accused of heinous acts against other human beings. Then the priests who abused children, making a mockery of the cross that they wore and the robes they donned. Then the Taliban clerics destroying cultures and killing people in the name of their haywire fundamentalism.

Even with all of this, I assume that people start out dealing with each other in good faith and with decency. (Yes, I am a schmuck.)

So, why am I on a rant? The straw that broke the camel’s back: New Jersey. This is not some small scandal. Money laundering, trafficking in human organs, influence peddling and stealing from the public coffers across many cities and communities. Not just any time. IN THESE TIMES WHEN WE NEED OUR POLITICIANS AND CLERGY TO LEAD US OUT OF THE BIGGEST FINANCIAL AND SOCIAL MELTDOWNS SINCE THE GREAT DEPRESSION.

I want to yell at each of those arrested in this New Jersey scandal who as politicians or rabbis enjoyed our collective trust and faith: “Have you no sense of decency, sir? At long last, have you left no sense of decency?” (to quote Joseph Welch, a lawyer at Hale & Dorr who represented the Army at the 1950’s McCarthy hearings)

WHERE IS THE OUTRAGE!!

Sunday night dinner chez nous

Posted on July 26, 2009 by 40andover

When we are not subverting nature, the social fabric of this country and the Word of G-d, my partner and I have (together with our son) have my sister, my brother-in-law and my dad over for Sunday night dinner. Sometimes, my cousin joins us and, in the non-summer months, my partner’s father comes, too. (Both our mothers are now of blessed memory.)

My brother-in-law and my son look at books that contain facts about lots of different things in the ways that big boys and little boys do. So far, not subversive. But wait, they are reading about pre-historic animals and their presently existing descendants, if any. Ok, evolution and not creationism or intelligent design (has anyone holding the latter view ever looked at these scary ugly beasts?) Check the subversive box.

We gather around the table for dinner. A summertime fare. No chilled white wine from the Napa Valley. So, ok so far. Wait, watercress, roasted pine nuts and pasta in the pasta salad. Effete eastern liberals. My dad and partner have camomille tea. AAAAArgh. Check another subversive box.

We talk about world events. Concerned citizens. Good sign. OH, NO, we are talking about health care and end of life care and how not every test is necessary and, even under orthodox doctrine, a procedure can be rejected if it prolongs the function of an organ but not the functioning of the person. Crazy liberals using orthodoxy against those who would preserve life at all costs (except when these same people condone capital punishment). Oooh, looking like a strike out, but since we caught the “pro-life; pro-death penalty” group in its own hypocrisy, let’s call that a foul tip. No check in the subversive box.

It is 7:45pm and time for our son to have a bath, read a story and go to bed and for me to do the dishes. Sounds a little Cleaver-like. We all hug and kiss at the door and our son yells, “family hug!” so three generations huddle together in a big hug, squeeze and many kisses. Uh, oh, hippie commune. Strike three. Big check in the subversive box.

Guess we’ve clearly drank the Obama kool aid. It tastes good, so I think I’ll get more. And for the record, my partner and I have had Saturday night dates since our son was a 1 year-old (he is 7 now). So, if POTUS and FLOTUS need some date night ideas, they should feel free to have their staff members ask us.

My sister, my hero

Posted on July 25, 2009 by 40andover

My sister is a highly respected medical doctor. More than that, she is a healer. No, she doesn’t perform magic; she can’t make stricken people walk.

She is a healer because she cares. She talks to families and doesn’t leave the hospital until everyone is stable or under control. She can’t prevent bad things from happening if those bad things are beyond the skills of doctors and death ultimately beats each of us. But she calms anxiety, she speaks softly and tenderly and she instills confidence — for the patient and the family. That’s why I say she is a healer. Regardless of the outcome.

I have been out with her at dinner or the gym, when she has run back to the hospital because the family of a patient arrived and she really wanted to talk with them or when, sadly, a patient she was following took a bad turn.

In this whole health care debate, I think all we need are more doctors like my sister who choose to be attendings at hospitals and not boutique salons for the rich and famous.

My sister is my hero. Not because she is my big sister. Because she is a caring doctor who heals strangers.

My college friends; my sisters

Posted on July 25, 2009 by 40andover

I have been thinking about my college friends a lot lately. Most of us have known each other since 1981. Email has kept us current — sometimes to the minute — in each other’s lives. We have all had to lean hard on one another and, in turn, be the supporting ones. We laugh, we cry, we built a website (www.ifsarahcanbevp.com) and had t-shirts made celebrating our friendships.

For many years, I was dealing with internal demons, coming out of the closet and building a career. I missed fun times, hard times, some weddings, bridal showers and a few births. About 12 years ago, my mom got sick again. I went through a transformation of sorts and recalibrated what mattered to me. I reached out to my college friends, started to be more present in their lives (cyberly) and they embraced me as if the past was past and only the now mattered. These are special women with special gifts of friendship. When my mother died, I looked around the chapel and some had schlepped to come. The next weekend, all were converging on NY as a planned reunion. They all came over that next Saturday and sat in my home, just being there. My mother was dead and my friends by their presence strengthened me. I don’t know that I talked much, but they did and the chatter was comforting and their presence a gift.

These are friends of a lifetime. Individually, they are fabulous and together they are a force of nature. I love you all.

40 — oh wait, yikes!! 50 — andoverblog

Aging and living in urban US

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