Our President gave an excellent speech today at the UN.  If only words could make wishes come true.

Libya’s leader’s, Qaddafi’s, speech was, well, nuts.  I know maniacs have been leaders of countries, but his speech made me think that anyone could be a head of state whether or not there is electricity firing in your brain. 

So, I could run a country.  I have always wanted to.  That’s it!!

I hereby establish a sovereign nation run by me. 

I think I would be quite good at it until I deposed myself. Hey, sometimes a person changes her mind and MY country is a free country where change is always possible.

Of course, given the logistical constraints of owning a box in the sky in New York City, this newly-formed nation must exist for now in my brain, until I can buy a townhouse on the East Side for my embassy and then renounce the debt under the theory of sovereign immunity. 

Since the nation (until I buy the townhouse) is not easily depicted on a world map, it will be called:

No-where-istan. 

We will have a constitution.  I will be all three branches of government.  We will have debates over issues, but only when I don’t take my meds.

We will have three-day weekends, naptime everyday and one hour daily of singing and dancing to music from the 1960s to the 1980s.  Cell phones must be turned off in restaurants and other places of assembly.  We live in luxury homes, with really nice bathrooms, because life is short — see below for my health care mandate.  (How about that tent for Qaddafi? Nice tent, but I would have gone for living in the house already on the grounds of the estate in Bedford.  So much easier than schlepping your summer home to another country.)

So I need a new name as leader of a new sovereign nation.  How about, “Her Eccentricity, the Blogger Formerly Known as 40andover”. 

Transfats will be permitted because no health care system can afford people living to their tenth decade.  So, for the good of the nation and the economic futures of our children, we will live less than 100 years.  But if, try as he or she might, a person still lives to 100 and beyond, we will still love him or her because we No-where-istanis are tolerant and loving people. 

I haven’t figured out the prickly issues of immigration in, and emigration out, of my head.  There are so many logistical problems. 

But, Glenn Beck, you are hereby denied a visa to my country. 

Anderson Cooper, you can come for short times but no “digging deeper,” or else you’ll give me an unintended root canal.