Tag Archives: BEING DIFFERENT

Happy Birthday Humanity

Posted on by
Reply

Tonight is the beginning of Rosh Ha-Shanah, the Jewish New Year.

According to “the rabbis” (which makes me think that you can say whatever you want as long as you preface it with, “according to the rabbis”), it is the birthday of the world.  The world took 6 days (or 30 billion years, whatever) to be created, so which day is the birthday of the world?

According to our rabbi, who said, “according to the rabbis” (so we know she could have been making this up), we celebrate the day on which humankind was created, which is the 6th day (or, if you are thinking the evolution of homo sapien sapiens, 30,000 or so years ago).

The rabbi’s point (among many in her drash) is that we are not celebrating anything particularly Jewish.  We are celebrating all humankind.  As we are getting increasingly (and depressingly) politically polarized and religiously sectarian the world over, the invitation to step outside of these paradigms and celebrate the whole wide world is exhilarating.

Adam and Eve (or Joe and Jane Homo Sapien Sapien) were not Jews, Christians, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, Sikhs, Jainist or anything.  They were humans.

As the rabbi went on in her drash about the importance of supporting the Islamic cultural center in lower Manhattan, she invited people to voice their issues with it.  There were those in the congregation (happily, just a few vocal ones) that couldn’t step back from the polarization.

As Jews with non-mainstream sexual orientations and gender identities (I am a little too middle-aged to understand all the complexities here), I couldn’t imagine that anyone in the congregation would not see the opposition to the cultural center as fear-mongering and scapegoating.  But there it was.  Complacency and fear are the enemies of the ideals that make America great.  And they make Jews forget that “we were strangers in the land of Egypt” and enslaved.  This sad devolution of the American Jewish experience fell starkly against the backdrop of Jews marking the birth of humankind.

I must admit that I started the evening and this holiday “just going through the motions,” with my head still in a deal at the office.   But this concept hit me in a way that unexpectedly woke up my emotional need to “connect” (to what, I am not yet sure).

So, even though it is a Jewish Holy Day, I am celebrating everyone, everywhere (ok, I draw a personal line at the extremists of any faith or philosophy, into which categories I include the left wingnuts of the Democratic Party).

That is a good feeling.

Share

Blogcation Year 2, Day Whatever – Too Much Information

Posted on by
1

So, on vacation, one can lose track of days, especially when one has drowned one’s blackberry (accidentally).

Our G-d daughter and her life partner came over for a couple of days.  We gave them the downstairs bedroom (with two full baths – go figure) and POB (partner of blogger), our son and I took the two bedrooms upstairs (with one bathroom to share).

As is often the case on vacation, everyone’s toiletries bags are open and strewn around the bathroom.   I was downstairs with our G-d daughter and her partner talking, and POB and our son were upstairs so he could get ready for bed.

Our G-d daughter’s partner overhears our son’s question to POB, “Mommy, what are Tampax?”  She repeats the question to us.  I jump up and ask, “[POB], do you need help?” “Ye-e-es” she responds in a way that says I am too tired to deal with this.

So, I run upstairs, my mind blank about the “Tampax” issue.  I get to the bathroom and say (because my son is a bit of a bird nerd), “You know how birds make nests when they are ready to lay eggs?  Well, imagine that we have nests inside us.  If we don’t produce an egg, then the nest has to leave our body and we use Tampax and other products to avoid the messiness that ensues from the nest disintegrating.”

He’s 8 years old

Share

Blogcation Year 2, Day 3 (or 4?) — The rain has gone

Posted on by
Reply

The sun came out today — first as a faint orb in the gray sky and then in all its sunburning glory.  Now, all of us summer people can go back to our pools and the beach and not swarm the already overwhelmed (and wildly expensive) sea-side towns.

One thing I did learn was that when booking a house, one has to parse every single word of the ad.  For example if it says, “ocean view”, that could mean that one bathroom in the house has a slight view of the water.  In our case, there is some water on the horizon out of our second floor bedroom.  If the add says, “water view”, it could mean the pool or your neighbor’s pool.  Or for those really wanting to stretch (and break) the bounds of truth in advertising, water view can mean this:

A view of the Montauk water tower.  Yes, we have a lovely view of the water tower from almost every window.  But no matter.  We are close enough to the beach and we have a pool and the sun — hooray, the sun — is out today.  But really, the water tower?

The other excitement of the day concerned our rental car.  I got this huge, gas guzzling Mercedes.  Why?  The rental place had no Volvos (the safest family car) and no Mercedes had ever been recalled (and the rental place didn’t have just a family sedan) but it had more Toyotas than you might think possible in such a small rental place in a small (geographically speaking) city like Manhattan.  Toyotas — cars with brakes that don’t work; accelerators that have minds of their own?  Are you kidding me?  Nope. nope, nope.  No hybrids available either.  The place did have Chryslers and GMs but until ones come are assembled by non-disgruntled workers, I will take the car with the track record and pay through the nose for it.

The problem with the mammoth Mercedes is that I can’t tell my car from the other mammoth Mercedes (plural) in any parking lot out here.  Also, the air in tires needed rebalancing and the low beam light was weak, so I had to get it fixed.  As I rolled into the mechanic’s place with my mammoth car and asked about a light change and a rebalance of the air of my tires, there were enough smirks to go around that I figured, “this is going to be expensive.”  I know, I know.  It’s a rental car.  But having a blown left low beam can be dangerous as can unbalanced air pressure in the tires (I read that this “safe” care has a roll-over risk — awesome).

I hang out and talk to the guys while they are fixing it.  It takes a lot of unscrewing parts to get to the headlights.  Maybe easier in the assembly line, but not so much when trying to change a light bulb in the left low beam.  They keep teasing me about the cost.  And I tell them it is a rental car, to boot.  They look at me as if I am on drugs. I say, “I am not asking you to fix my cruise control or stereo system!  These are matters of safety for my family and others!”  One guy says he is impressed that I am not freaking out and calling my boyfriend.  If he only knew. We continue talking about life, what matters, and what Montauk is like when the summer people aren’t here, etc.  He is married (I tell him I am, too, which I am in spirit if not in paper) and I could tell he is flirting with me.  But it was a sweet flirting, in the way that someone appreciates that you are passing the time while he is at work and not talking on the phone while you wait for a “service person” to handle your problem.  He shows me pictures of old Montauk and it was a perfectly lovely way to pass an hour (plus he only charged me for 30 minutes).  And he did a great job and now I know that I have taken all precautions to be a safe driver and that lets me sleep at night.  (And, I am going to present the receipt to the car rental place.)

Anyway, all is good and I am slowing disengaging from my Blackberry.

Share

Post-Script to The Kids Are All Right

Posted on by
Reply

I recently ranted (what else is new) about the movie, “The Kids Are All Right,” the first film about a lesbian family to come out of a major movie producer (http://40andoverblog.com/?p=2559).

Apparently, for the under-30 crowd (and maybe my own age-group), the lesbian sex scene is not so bizarre.

Ok.  I get it, in every marriage, sometimes you need to change things up to keep it interesting, but I still stand by my lament: for the first major motion picture about lesbians and their kids, there couldn’t be a little romance?  It IS Hollywood, after all.  And it isn’t like the movie didn’t push the outer edge of the believability envelope in other ways.

How about throwing a bone to the hopeless romantics in the crowd who still love and adore their spouses?

Share

Dear Mr. President, please read the Judge’s opinion

Posted on by
Reply

I accept (but disagree) with President Obama’s view that marriage should be between a man and a woman, as a matter of personal religious belief or doctrine.  But I do not accept that view from him in his capacity of head of state.

As to the legal issues, if one reads the opinion striking down Proposition 8, it clearly sets out the correct legal premise that the state gives the marriage license and that it need not be consecrated in a religious ceremony.  Celebrants of the various religious faiths need not perform same-sex marriages, but it is irrelevant to the actions of the state.  The USDA certifies pork and pork products, but many religions prohibit the eating of pork. http://40andoverblog.com/?p=2124

What is the real legal issue?   Equal protection under the laws. 

As to the social issues, I don’t want anyone’s tolerance.  I refuse to rely on someone else’s good graces and “open” mind in order to live my life.  

 

Share

Uproar over a mosque? Really?

Posted on by
Reply

Why not a mosque near Ground Zero?

If we cannot separate out bad actors from an entire religion, then we are the evil bigots in the propaganda.

AND, we have to look in our collective mirror and see that we are not the people or nation of freedom and “ill-will-toward-none” that we would like to believe (and have others believe) we are.

Ok, so no mosque at Ground Zero.  Then what logically flows from that statement are:

  • All Oklahomans should be barred from national monuments because Timothy McVeigh, our HOMEGROWN terrorist, was from Oklahoma.  In fact, Oklahoma is so close to those other states (help me out here) that they may harbor terrorists or may have recruitment camps.  So, let’s ban them (once I look at a map and figure out who they are).  Also, are they practicing Methodists, Baptists, Unitarians or some other Protestant sect?  If so, then none of those churches can be erected near national monuments.  No, sirreeee.   [It would be kind of funny if only ashrams, synagogues, Sikh temples, Hindu temples and Buddhist temples could be built on Ground Zero.]
  • The good ol’ USA is a rogue nation.  We are the only country that has used nuclear weapons.  We have not renounced them (like New Zealand — ok, not a newsmaker, but a start).  And bombing Nagasaki after we obliterated Hiroshima makes Kim Jong Il seem like just another weird guy with a bad haircut, wearing woman’s sunglasses.
  • Lady Liberty,  the welcoming beacon in our Harbor, has to be renovated so she can raise one hand with a sign or she can fling people back out to sea (see video, too crazy:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-BE6GyHcASE&feature=related) because we forget that EXCEPT for the Native Americans, whom we decimated under the theory of “Manifest Destiny” (oh, yeah, add GENOCIDE to our nuclear bad acts), we all descend from immigrants.

I am glad my grandparents and my mother never lived to see this day.  Their America was the beacon of hope and the fulfillment of their dreams.  To them, this was a great country where whoever you are and from wherever you came, you could make a life for your family.  Maybe people didn’t like them because they were Jews but people left them alone.

That was America.  This, this, this is a place I don’t know or understand.

Share

The Kids Are All Right but the Moms need some help, big time.

Posted on by
1

POB (partner of blogger) and I went to see the movie, “The Kids Are All Right,” about a lesbian couple and their two kids and the sperm donor who is invited into their lives by the elder child (who turned 18 and can get the information).

It got great reviews.   After seeing it, I realize that these reviewers are straight.

Based on the (straight people) reviews, I was looking forward to seeing how my life turns out (not really, but sort of really).  Two happily married lesbians raising their kids.  Sounded like a Utopian fantasy come to major motion picture.

Of course, I have my own issues — I am not a biological parent.  At least, each of these moms was biologically related to a child.  That is firmer ground than that which I will stand when coming face to  face with FOS (the face of sperm man), should it happen.  (OF COURSE, it will happen, but I intend to be in a state of dementia at that point.)

Back to the movie.  The hetero sex scenes were more enthralling than the one (count it, ONE) quasi-I-didn’t-understand-what-the-f$%^-was-going-on scene with the women.  Gay male porn and one woman under the covers while that other woman is watching man-on-man and showing no signs of arousal?  Ok, ok, ok.  I went to EVERY class on lesbian indoctrination given by the proponents of the gay agenda.  NO WHERE DID I SEE THIS.  This is NOT how any couple I KNOW gets romantic or has sex (yes, they can be mutually exclusive).

(While being indoctrinated all those many years ago, I did read about some things I decided were safer NOT to try at home, but in a passive-aggressive moment, I left those pamphlets for my mother to read and weep about.  I still feel a little bad but by the end of my mother’s life, she was not focused on fisting one’s partner.) 

I am going to have t-shirts made up that say: 

WE DO IT BUT NOT LIKE NIC AND JULES.

So, in this movie, child is parent to the mothers.  A usual Hollywood turn of events.

And the sexual excitement was spent on one of the mother’s extra-marital affair with Sperm Donor Man.  It was enticing, even though Mark Ruffalo has too much hair.  Also, what is with THAT?

If a lesbian has an affair (I am told) it is often with a woman and, if not a woman, a co-worker or client.  (Well, he was in fact a client at some point in the movie.)

NEVERTHELESS, in our first major motion picture about aging lesbians and their children, couldn’t the producers have made the sex a little steamy?  It isn’t like the L Word didn’t break some ground here.  Couldn’t the producers throw a bone to us true-life lesbians with families?  Keep hope alive for those of us in the midst of parenting and working and dreaming of beautiful sunsets with our partners when the kids are out of the house?

I always thought we were lucky — no Cialis, Viagra, etc. — now I am scared that I have man-on-man porn to look forward to while someone “services” me under covers.  I am soooooo grossed out.

This movie about a “solid” lesbian family is enough to cause therapists to cancel their August recess just to keep up with the demand of freaked out Moms.

Maybe this film touched a nerve (ok, it did) but I have to believe that it needed to please heterosexual America.  And so our lives are casualties.

Paging the L Word.

Share

Nobody asks me

Posted on by
1

I don’t know how the pollsters pick the representative sample of Americans, voters, Mets fans, whatever, to poll on a particular issue.  No one asks me.  My demographic is highly educated, reliable voter.

I think President Obama is the leader we need.  He is the one pushing us to take the bad-tasting medicine that will make us healthier, making the financial industry face consequences of its ruinous reign and trying to end two wars with dignity.  (Contrary to Michael Steele, Afghanistan was not a war of President Obama’s choosing; it was a war started by President Bush even before he chose to go to war with Iraq.)

Everyone wants our problems to be fixed, just like in the movies, and preferably within two hours and with limited commercial interruption.

President Obama took over a country on the verge of collapse and the problems just keep coming.  He handles them in an understated, calm manner and people think that is a sign of weakness.  But then again, “we” thought that GWB’s strutting around and baling hay were signs of strength even as we knew our nation was going to hell (think Nero playing his fiddle while Rome burned). 

I believe in President Obama and in his leadership. 

Never has been so much asked of one man and so little been done to support him.

Mr. President, you have my vote in 2012.

Share

What’s PC

Posted on by
Reply

I can’t keep up with the latest PC terminology.  “Intersex” was the new word for hermaprodite for ten years before someone told me that I needed to get with the times. 

Also, there are apparently six genders.  I can only count two — you could be one or the other, transitioning from one to the other or have both gender markers.  Still, only TWO unless you count points in the journey from one to the other.  Clearly, I am so backward and uncool that being a lesbian mom doesn’t even give me cover.

Therefore, in an effort to regain my “cool”, I am going to make up a new phrase that should be PC.  And I thought of it on the subway as I tried to squeeze between two full-sized individuals. 

No one likes the words “large,” “overweight,” “heavy” or “obese”.  Societal stigmas attach to the words like an octopus to a  [please, someone, fill in this blank — especially if you read about the crazy octopus as predictor of the World Cup winner].  (If I were Jacques Cousteau, I would be able to fill in that blank.  But, you get my point.)  

So, I think that we should use the terms “high volume” or “high density” instead.   Better connotations.  What do you think?

Share

Aging

Posted on by
Reply

My brother-in-law is turning some age older than 55. He looks great and is handsome, charming and lively — a good catch.

The question is: when did I start thinking that some guy with ever-so-slightly thinning gray hair is a rock star? I guess one could also ask how the septuagenarian Mick Jagger keeps rock star status. My brother-in-law is way cuter: no one would ever think he had the blood sucked out of him and then re-infused with formaldehyde so he could look like the walking dead like Mick Jagger. But there I go, digressing again.

My point is (and — SURPRISE — I have one) that we look decrepit to 20-somethings, but who cares? As long as we look at our contemporaries and think we are looking good, isn’t that what matters?

I am starting to understand my mother’s saying she thought of herself as 35, even when she was 70 and she thought of Dad as 42 even when he was 77. The point is that mild cataracts perform an essential social function necessary for the survival of the species.

Share