Since I threw out my back, I have taken a lot of cabs (the subway just seemed too much to handle).
Cab drivers like to talk to me. I must have “schmuck” written across my forehead.
One cab driver starts a conversation with, “you don’t look Christian.” Bait me, why don’t you. So, I say, “I am not”. “You are Jew!!” Oy, I think, this is going to be bad and all the world’s ills are being distilled in this one moment in a cab in holiday traffic. I say nothing. He says, “I know you are not Muslim.” So I respond, “Maybe I am Sikh or Hindu.” He laughs. He is a Christian from Egypt. He hates Muslims. He says all the Muslim cab drivers are terrorists. I knew that Christians had it hard in Egypt, but he went on a diatribe against Muslims for what seemed like an eternity. Then he says, “I don’t believe in G-d anyway. How do I pray to G-d who makes me short and fat?” I think to say, “and with enormous earlobes” but I think better of it. I get out of the cab, exhausted from the hatred spewing out of this guy.
That evening, in another cab, the driver asks me, “have you done all your holiday shopping?” I respond, “I don’t celebrate these holidays.” He says, “you are Jew!” [Now this is becoming weird.] He goes on without a response from me, “I am Muslim and I know you are not Muslim.” So I try my Sikh or Hindu line on this guy. He laughs, too. I ask him where he is from. “Egypt.” Ok, I don’t usually get Egyptian cab drivers and in this one day alone, I have an Egyptian Christian and now an Egyptian Muslim. So I ask, “who do you think will succeed Hosni Mubarak?” He answers, “Mubarak’s son will, but that is no democracy, that is a dynasty like Syria or Jordan. I would vote for Boutros Boutros Gali, but he is a Christian and a Christian head of state would never be allowed in a Muslim country.” I mention that no one ever thought that a black man would be president of the United States. He responds, “I live in this country and I am glad to have a job, so I do not worry about politics. But it would be great if Mr. Obama were President of Egypt!!”
An angry Christian and a grateful Muslim. Each the opposite of what the other envisions.
The next day I get into a cab and the radio is on. Someone is talking about global warming. “Miss, do you believe in this global warming?” I respond yes. “My village will be flooded in 2050! I must buy a boat!” Ok, no one has EVER been cheerful about global warming. Clearly, this guy is out of kilter, just like our ecosystem. “Where are you from?” “Bangladesh, Miss. Do you hear of it?” “Yes, of course, but I heard on CNN that the flooding [other than during rainy season and when India opens a large dam] in Bangladesh won’t be bad until 2100,” I say, trying to be helpful and upbeat [ok, now I am in his crazy world of surreality]. I think, wow, coastal cities in the US will be flooded. Good thing we live on the fourth floor. Now I am crazy enough to drive a cab.
Next week I take the subway, even if I have to crawl up and down the steps.
