My hairdresser, a woman raised Catholic, was cutting my hair and we were just chit-chatting about things. She had watched a segment on circumcision and AIDS. She was wondering where the practice originated.

I mentioned that, under Jewish tradition, it is a sign of (and cost to join) the covenant between Abraham and G-d. After I said that, I wondered aloud about a man who believes in an omnipotent G-d, invisible to humans and who, after looking into the Heavens, looks down and sees not his toes but the foreskin on his penis and decides that he should cut that. Imagine how different life would be if he saw his toe or maybe if he just pierced his eyelid. Would Jerry Springer even let Abraham on his show?

Then Abraham hears G-d telling him to sacrifice his son Isaac. Abraham is willing to do that. Greeeeaaaat. After that episode is over, Isaac nevertheless goes home with him. Oprah would have an intervention. Judge Judy would have a coronary.

Isaac lets Jacob, his second son, steal his birthright from his firstborn, Esau. Corleone?

Jacob sees Rachel in a field, rips his clothes and falls down weeping. She marries him. Whaaaat? Before she can marry him, her sister, the bleary-eyed one (who knows) marries him. Two sisters, same man. Hugh Hefner-esque. EEEEEEEeeeeewwwwwwww.

G-d rewards Jacob and promises that he will give rise to a great and mighty people.

Yep, this is the heritage that the fundamentalist Jews and Christians are trying so hard to inculcate in our children. Some family values.