How can we call ours a civilized society if politicians, pundits and preachers gain support and power for demonizing Muslims and gay people?
I would appreciate hearing any thoughts on this.
A puzzlement
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Category Archives: gay
When “Rights” Just Cover Prejudice and Cowardice
A Michigan assistant attorney general, a man who is charged with enforcing the laws of the State of Michigan, is waging a vicious, cyber-war against a gay college student.
Ok, let’s take a moment and feel sorry for this assistant AG who has unresolved issues about his own sexual orientation and a big dose of self-loathing. Now, that moment is over.
Time to rant about him and his employer the Attorney General of the State of Michigan, defends his assistant AG even though he calls him a bully.
The AG hides behind the “free speech” argument. Let’s assume it is applicable here. There are limits to one’s right to free speech. The classic example is “you can’t yell fire in a crowded theater” [unless there is, in fact, a fire]. The government can prosecute you if what you are saying is calculated to incite violence and does, in fact, incite violence.
Here are the rules of thumb for free speech:
Free speech is limited to reasonable time, reasonable place and reasonable manner. (That’s why there are limits to where you can hold rallies and when your neighbor can do heavy construction on his property.)
Free speech doesn’t protect you from the consequences of that speech.
Do you really think that if this Michigan assistant AG were harassing say, a co-worker, a female student or another civil servant, that the AG would feel the same way and hide behind “free speech”? Really?
No, the AG doesn’t want to take the side of a gay college kid.
Because that would be unpopular and require that he take a stand against his conservative constituency.
So, the head legal officer of the State of Michigan in the United States of America in the year 2010 will call a subordinate a bully, but won’t stand up to him??
Don’t you think that bullying has caused too many young people to be emotionally scarred or so despondent as to be suicidal? If the recent suicide of a Rutgers student doesn’t make law enforcement, law enforcement, stand up to bullying, what will become of our society?
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Michigan attorney general defends employee’s right to blog
http://i.cdn.turner.com/cnn/2010/US/09/30/michigan.justice.blog/story.shirvell.cnn.jpg
September 30, 2010|By the CNN Wire Staff *
Michigan Attorney General Mike Cox defended an assistant’s constitutional right to wage an Internet campaign against an openly gay college student, even though he considers that employee a “bully.” “Here in America, we have this thing called the First Amendment, which allows people to express what they think and engage in political and social speech,” Cox told Anderson Cooper on CNN’s “AC 360” on Wednesday night. “He’s clearly a bully … but is that protected under the First Amendment of the United States Constitution? Yes.”
Ask about Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell
Yesterday I arrived in Orlando for meetings. My driver was a burly man named Johnny. I asked him if he were a native Floridian and he said he and his wife had moved here a few years ago after he retired from the military.
So, I asked him what he thought of repealing “don’t ask, don’t tell” (now, back to a theoretical issue). I had to ask. I know, it is like picking a scab but I couldn’t hold back.
He said that he is a Christian and that homosexuals were deviants and introducing sexuality on the battlefield was wrong. I mentioned that homosexuals already serve in secret and many with distinctions for valor. He said that it was as wrong as having women on the battlefield because, in both cases, you’d feel the need to take care of them and as a result you were putting yourself in even further danger. I wondered whether this man had ever been on the front lines.
He couldn’t get past his views that homosexuality was an offense before G-d and that gay men were somehow less than men.
When we got to our destination and he handed me my bag, I said “Johnny, I appreciate your honesty. I am gay and I don’t agree with you. Thank you for your service to our country.” He was a little shocked but he shook my hand.
I hope he remembers me.
This Atonement Day and Beyond
Yom Kippur started Friday at sundown. We have our services at the Jacob Javits Convention Center. It is a free service — no one is turned away. Keeping an open door policy is part of who were are as a community because the synagogue was started nearly 40 years ago by gay Jews who were not welcomed anywhere as gays, as Jews or as gay Jews. Now our synagogue welcomes people of all sexual orientation (including straight) and all gender orientations (I only know the two main ones, but I am told that there are as many points on that spectrum as, let’s say, colors in the rainbow). Almost 4,000 people attended Kol Nidre on Friday night.
The senior rabbi is a woman in her late forties but she looks like a pre-pubescent, book-ish boy. She is a thoughtful and insightful speaker. And, she does have moments of levity, as when she announced that she would like to be known now as “Lady Syna-Gaga“. Ok, there is a reason why our synagogue can never really go mainstream.
We ended around 10pm last night and started up again this morning.
This morning, we all went to the children’s service which had a fair amount of substance. The rabbis talked about seeking forgiveness, saying, “I’m sorry,” etc., and otherwise tried to distill the elements of the Holy Day without dumbing it down too much.
Then we came home and I fixed our son a sandwich for lunch. He is 8 years old, so he does not fast but we do put techno-toys away for the day.
I was about to sit down at the table to keep him company while he ate, but he said, “E-Mom, I would like to eat alone so I can think about all of the things I need to say sorry for and all the things I need to do better.”
Ok, my son is wonderful and all, but this is out of hand. Reflexively, I asked, “Really?”
Right after blurting that out, I thought “I need work on not being so cynical and more trusting of my son’s motives, because we were at this substantive kids’ service and maybe something spoke to him —-”
My thoughts were interrupted by my son — ever the honest little boy, “Nah, I just want to play with the iTouch and I didn’t want you to see.”
At least he is honest.
We returned to synagogue for the late afternoon service through to the end of Ne’ila, the last service of Yom Kippur. After services were over, as we poured into the street to find our ways home, two attendees who were, just minutes before, wrapped in prayer shawls, stole cabs from us. I started screaming at one in the cab that was then stopped for the light, “Yom Kippur is just over and this, this, is how you act?”
Then, I realized that my son was watching me and I thought to myself, “Yom Kippur is just over and this, this, is how you act?” So, I stopped.
We hailed another cab and we went home, a tired but happy family.
Post-Script to The Kids Are All Right
I recently ranted (what else is new) about the movie, “The Kids Are All Right,” the first film about a lesbian family to come out of a major movie producer (http://40andoverblog.com/?p=2559).
Apparently, for the under-30 crowd (and maybe my own age-group), the lesbian sex scene is not so bizarre.
Ok. I get it, in every marriage, sometimes you need to change things up to keep it interesting, but I still stand by my lament: for the first major motion picture about lesbians and their kids, there couldn’t be a little romance? It IS Hollywood, after all. And it isn’t like the movie didn’t push the outer edge of the believability envelope in other ways.
How about throwing a bone to the hopeless romantics in the crowd who still love and adore their spouses?
Dear Mr. President, please read the Judge’s opinion
I accept (but disagree) with President Obama’s view that marriage should be between a man and a woman, as a matter of personal religious belief or doctrine. But I do not accept that view from him in his capacity of head of state.
As to the legal issues, if one reads the opinion striking down Proposition 8, it clearly sets out the correct legal premise that the state gives the marriage license and that it need not be consecrated in a religious ceremony. Celebrants of the various religious faiths need not perform same-sex marriages, but it is irrelevant to the actions of the state. The USDA certifies pork and pork products, but many religions prohibit the eating of pork. http://40andoverblog.com/?p=2124
What is the real legal issue? Equal protection under the laws.
As to the social issues, I don’t want anyone’s tolerance. I refuse to rely on someone else’s good graces and “open” mind in order to live my life.
The Kids Are All Right but the Moms need some help, big time.
POB (partner of blogger) and I went to see the movie, “The Kids Are All Right,” about a lesbian couple and their two kids and the sperm donor who is invited into their lives by the elder child (who turned 18 and can get the information).
It got great reviews. After seeing it, I realize that these reviewers are straight.
Based on the (straight people) reviews, I was looking forward to seeing how my life turns out (not really, but sort of really). Two happily married lesbians raising their kids. Sounded like a Utopian fantasy come to major motion picture.
Of course, I have my own issues — I am not a biological parent. At least, each of these moms was biologically related to a child. That is firmer ground than that which I will stand when coming face to face with FOS (the face of sperm man), should it happen. (OF COURSE, it will happen, but I intend to be in a state of dementia at that point.)
Back to the movie. The hetero sex scenes were more enthralling than the one (count it, ONE) quasi-I-didn’t-understand-what-the-f$%^-was-going-on scene with the women. Gay male porn and one woman under the covers while that other woman is watching man-on-man and showing no signs of arousal? Ok, ok, ok. I went to EVERY class on lesbian indoctrination given by the proponents of the gay agenda. NO WHERE DID I SEE THIS. This is NOT how any couple I KNOW gets romantic or has sex (yes, they can be mutually exclusive).
(While being indoctrinated all those many years ago, I did read about some things I decided were safer NOT to try at home, but in a passive-aggressive moment, I left those pamphlets for my mother to read and weep about. I still feel a little bad but by the end of my mother’s life, she was not focused on fisting one’s partner.)
I am going to have t-shirts made up that say:
WE DO IT BUT NOT LIKE NIC AND JULES.
So, in this movie, child is parent to the mothers. A usual Hollywood turn of events.
And the sexual excitement was spent on one of the mother’s extra-marital affair with Sperm Donor Man. It was enticing, even though Mark Ruffalo has too much hair. Also, what is with THAT?
If a lesbian has an affair (I am told) it is often with a woman and, if not a woman, a co-worker or client. (Well, he was in fact a client at some point in the movie.)
NEVERTHELESS, in our first major motion picture about aging lesbians and their children, couldn’t the producers have made the sex a little steamy? It isn’t like the L Word didn’t break some ground here. Couldn’t the producers throw a bone to us true-life lesbians with families? Keep hope alive for those of us in the midst of parenting and working and dreaming of beautiful sunsets with our partners when the kids are out of the house?
I always thought we were lucky — no Cialis, Viagra, etc. — now I am scared that I have man-on-man porn to look forward to while someone “services” me under covers. I am soooooo grossed out.
This movie about a “solid” lesbian family is enough to cause therapists to cancel their August recess just to keep up with the demand of freaked out Moms.
Maybe this film touched a nerve (ok, it did) but I have to believe that it needed to please heterosexual America. And so our lives are casualties.
Paging the L Word.
Argentina, Mi Amor
[end of excerpt] from article by MICHAEL WARREN, Associated Press Writer Michael Warren, Associated Press Writer – [July 15, 2010]
Argentina legalized same-sex marriage Thursday, becoming the first country in Latin America to declare that gays and lesbians have all the legal rights, responsibilities and protections that marriage brings to heterosexual couples.
Argentina?
Argentina?
Graft, dirty wars, Peronistas?
THAT Argentina?
My immediate emotional response was to change the Stars and Stripes to show unequal justice under the laws. Is Argentina outpacing the United States of America on a human rights issue?
Behind the scenes at my son’s 8th birthday party
First, let me say that my son had a great time. Second, let me say that POB (partner of blogger) and I did the least we could do. Everyday we star in our own MasterCard commercial. In this case, paying for an all-in party at Chelsea Piers bowling alley, $___; seeing your kid smile, PRICELESS.
We were greeted by the shift manager, a friendly enough woman. She failed to enunciate when she said her name and between the thumping music (which I forced them to turn down) and my middle aged ears, I couldn’t catch her name. Not to worry, my middle aged brain would have forgotten it in seconds anyway. She asked who was the mother and we both said, “we are”. Shock and consternation showed on her face. She then asked, “are there two birthday boys?” Ok, maybe she was thinking she needed to charge extra or maybe she was worried that there was some foul-up. But this is NEW YORK CITY on GAY PR IDE WEEKEND. (As for our family, we’re here, we’re queer, we are sooooo over it.)
Ok, so it took a few screams in all of our ear canals to get the point across (remember there was the thumping, party tape playing — another gift by the gay community) in order for the manager to understand that there were two Moms and that all was the same as planned. Phew. One small step for us, one giant step for GAY families.
My dad arrived early but not as early as usual so I was tempted to start a police manhunt to track him down. (He is almost 90 and I worry.) I waited outside and caught him as he was passing the place. He noted the loud music and then I wondered to myself, how can he hear the loud music but not hear me screaming “DAD!!!!” on the pier. A cosmic puzzlement. One of the moms of our son’s friends asked Dad, “whose father are you?” (as in is your daughter POB or Blogger?). My dad misunderstood the question, and answered, “No father. Two moms.” He came over to me later and suggested that someone didn’t realize the family dynamics and whether he should have a word with her. G-d bless my Dad. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that the mom-in-question already told me about the mis-communication. So, I said, “Another time, Dad, and thanks.”
It is my son’s day, but I need to have a moment about my Dad. Sometimes, being the sandwich generation has it joyful moments.
I have spent the day putting together Star Wars lego battle cruisers, whatever. Every parent can relate. That’s why we don’t march in the parade. Who has time when there are Lego projects and Little League and Hebrew School and birthday parties?
I get emails from my college friends asking about the birthday party. I did NOT tell them (not that I wouldn’t but we had facial moisturizer to discuss). But one is “friends” with my sister who posted pictures of the event. You can run but you can’t hide.
I am your mirror (just one more reunion story)
We were at a sit-down, dressed-up dinner on the lawn in front of the library at the College. We were sipping champagne in a beautiful setting and we were nostalgic and wistful and glossing over the really bad things that happened there. It felt like we were in a film about British aristocracy before World War I. My inner snob was momentarily overwhelming my otherwise egalitarian (and self-satisfied) character.
And, then . . .
And, then —
From stage left, I heard a loud booming voice breaking through my revelry, rising above the din and seemingly causing the sumptuous scenery to fall away:
“[Blogger], I hear you have a partner!! How could I have been your roommate for a year in college and not have known you were gay?
I think you’ll agree that I am pretty intuitive?!
So, I decided you didn’t know either. Am I right? I am right, aren’t I. Yup, I knew it.
You look great by the way. You have a son. Did you have it or did she or neither?”
WHOA!!!!
And I thought my sexual orientation was just about me. And I thought people didn’t ask about paternity and maternity in polite company. Nah, this is reunion after all, and I am “radically” different than I was 25 years ago.
I adore this person. And her comments were so authentically “her” that I just smiled, laughed and enjoyed the feeling of 25 years just melting away.