I recently flew to and from California.  Years ago, the quality of ticket I purchased would have been in the “leisure traveler” section.  Soon that name was too grand and the designation became “coach”.  From there, it tumbled further down the slippery slope into “economy” class which meant no one cared if you had an aisle seat right next to the stinky bathroom.  This trip has confirmed that the tumble has gone into free-fall and the proper designation is “cattle-car” class. 

On the way there, parents separated from their children reached across strangers to hand their drooling children some bribe to try to stay quiet.  Then the parents put on their Bose headphones — you know the ones that block out all sounds.  Excuse me, but don’t you think that we — the poor strangers subjected to your whining progeny– deserve the headphones and you deserve to hear your children? 

And I can’t forget the guy who pretended we were seated in first class by expanding his elbows not only into my personal space but in my very rib cage.  (Really?  Did you really not feel some resistance to your expansion, you creepy man?)  I pulled down the tray table, put my pillow on it and then did a face plant into the pillow, so Mr. Strange-as-G-d-makes-us can elbow away.

On the way back, I took the red-eye and I was tired and aggravated.  Already one guy held up an entire line of people to get his laptop out of his bag.  And it was not my imagination — the seats were smaller.  I am a little person and I felt like I was busting out of the seat.  Also, someone (or more persons) took all of the space in my overhead bin.  I was seated in the bulkhead so I had to stow everything.  While the idiot man getting his computer held everyone up, I noticed someone adding a satchel to the luggage in my overhead bin.  When I got to my row, I took the satchel and handed it back to the guy and said, “this is not going to work, I have no seats in front to stuff my bag under.”  He took it and didn’t put up a fight.

And WHAT is with people not turning off their smart phones when asked?  I was about to lunge at this young woman whose tweeting was obviously so profound and important that she could risk endangering us all.  My colleague seated next to me stopped me so that I would not be arrested and carried off the plane in restraining gear.

And, $3 for earphones?  Soon we are going to have to pay to use the restrooms. 

Airplanes today are just gross and need to be upgraded for humane use. 

Ok, I remember flying Air Myanmar.  The planes seemed like demo models because they had indentations where the oxygen mask and the flight attendant button ought to have been.  Also the seats flopped back and forth on take-off and landing.  I sat next to a Buddhist monk so I felt safe.  My friend was in a row with only one seat; the rest of the row was penned-in for some yaks who were also welcomed aboard in that way that only a repressive regime can welcome a visitor (“Good luck, if you have it”).

So, airplanes today aren’t the most inhumane I’ve experienced but I am going to save my pennies and investigate private plane service.  I bet it costs about the same as first class, which isn’t even first class anymore.