I am feeling pressure to make New Year’s resolutions.
In order to meet with social approval, they must be lofty, require some form of ascetism (as in, give up chocolate), be kumbaya in nature (donate more time and money) and not be too challenging to those in ear shot.
But I am not so generous, socially conscious or loving. I am in my ME moment.
So here are my unsociable New Year’s resolutions:
- I will make sure every sweating person at the gym wipes off the machine after use or I will call out that person.
- I will eat chocolate once a day — and not that healthy dark chocolate stuff, but the milk chocolate with some hazelnut goo inside.
- I will spend money on “glam” things — going gray naturally requires more accessories than one might think.
- If you ask my opinion, I will give it to you. So, chances are, if you are asking my opinion, I am going to tell you not to do what you want to do.
- If you look like hell, I will tell you. Even if you don’t ask. Let’s call that “my idiosyncratic charm”.
- I will try to do a head stand. No world peace. Just something manageable with six spotters and a personal trainer.
- I will drive into the countryside to reaffirm my disdain for bugs and other things “natural”. I will come home to NYC and kiss the dirty pavement.
- I will love my family — the ganza mishpocheh — and friends more and deeper than last year.
- I will do something totally cool and groovy. (Stay tuned.)
Happy New Year everyone. Be careful what you say to me or ask me in 2011.