In an email with the subject line, “and the painted ponies go up and down,” my college friend told us others of the group that her father is dying.     [reference to Joni Mitchell’s song, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5HXT0bn7QY].

Yep, the carousel of time.  And when someone steps off the carousel, there is no changing it.  No making up for lost time and no more opportunities for mended fences or kumbaya moments.  And when it is the end — contrary to movie moments — the focus is on the person dying and his/her comfort.  And the person is not always lucid or with energy to have those special moments that Hollywood assures us we will have.  And the person doesn’t step out of character for his or her final scene.  And, at the end, there isn’t a whole lot to say.

Forget Hollywood, death is wrenching, messy and doesn’t pause for a commercial break.

I am glad my friend has a big extended family and support network and, of course, she has us — the group of friends from college — although some live far away.