The Fat Pictures

I was a skinny, athletic kid, until 16.  From 16 to 22, I was hefty (a term I find preferable to chunky, heavy or the big “O” word).  Since 22, I have slimmed down and, while not so athletic anymore at 45, I am fit.  Every now and again, when I recount my years of being “two tons of fun”, people are often disbelieving and want to see the fat pictures. 

Well they surfaced on Facebook, courtesy of a college friend to whom I haven’t spoken in years and years and, after this, may not for many years to come.  Ok, I am exaggerating.  I’ll talk to him at our 60th college reunion because we will both be senile.

I can honestly say I have been the trifecta of fat, dumb and happy — all at once and at different times.

Ah, the joys and perils of connectivity.

FACT CHECK: Distortions rife in health care debate – Yahoo! News

SO, scare tactics abound.  I have lots of questions:

Why? Why is it in the GOP’s best interests to use scare tactics to defeat this health care reform?  Is it big business interests? Is it that the millions of uninsured don’t vote in their districts? Is it because they need to get the upper hand in the political wars?

I wish the answers to these questions were NOI WISH THAT THE GOP COULD PUT FORTH A PRINCIPLED ALTERNATIVE. IF YOU TEAR SOMETHING DOWN, YOU BETTER BE PREPARED TO RE-BUILD IT.

Ok, ok, ok.

The legislation will not legalize killing older people. People can keep their doctors. There will be no more rationing than already exists. No more “pre-existing conditions” exclusions.

IT WILL COST A LOT.  BUT DOING NOTHING WILL COST MORE.

See excerpts of article from the Associated Press — August 2, 2009

WASHINGTON – Confusing claims and outright distortions have animated the national debate over changes in the health care system. Opponents of proposals by President Barack Obama and congressional Democrats falsely claim that government agents will force elderly people to discuss end-of-life wishes. Obama has played down the possibility that a health care overhaul would cause large numbers of people to change doctors and insurers.

A look at some claims being made about health care proposals:

CLAIM: The House bill “may start us down a treacherous path toward government-encouraged euthanasia,” House Republican Leader John Boehner of Ohio said July 23.

Former New York Lt. Gov. Betsy McCaughey said in a July 17 article: “One troubling provision of the House bill compels seniors to submit to a counseling session every five years … about alternatives for end-of-life care.”

THE FACTS: The bill would require Medicare to pay for advance directive consultations with health care professionals. But it would not require anyone to use the benefit.

Advance directives lay out a patient’s wishes for life-extending measures under various scenarios involving terminal illness, severe brain damage and situations. Patients and their families would consult with health professionals, not government agents, if they used the proposed benefit.

CLAIM: Health care revisions would lead to government-funded abortions.

Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council says in a video, “Unless Congress states otherwise, under a government takeover of health care, taxpayers will be forced to fund abortions for the first time in over three decades.”

THE FACTS: The proposed bills would not undo the Hyde Amendment, which bars paying for abortions through Medicaid, the government insurance program for the poor. But a health care overhaul could create a government-run insurance program, or insurance “exchanges,” that would not involve Medicaid and whose abortion guidelines are not yet clear.

Obama recently told CBS that the nation should continue a tradition of “not financing abortions as part of government-funded health care.”

The House Energy and Commerce Committee amended the House bill Thursday to state that health insurance plans have the option of covering abortion, but no public money can be used to fund abortions. The bill says health plans in a new purchasing exchange would not be required to cover abortion but that each region of the country should have at least one plan that does.

Congressional action this fall will determine whether such language is in the final bill.

CLAIM: Americans won’t have to change doctors or insurance companies.

“If you like your plan and you like your doctor, you won’t have to do a thing,” Obama said on June 23. “You keep your plan; you keep your doctor.”

THE FACTS: The proposed legislation would not require people to drop their doctor or insurer. But some tax provisions, depending on how they are written, might make it cheaper for some employers to pay a fee to end their health coverage. Their workers presumably would move to a public insurance plan that might not include their current doctors.

CLAIM: The Democrats’ plans will lead to rationing, or the government determining which medical procedures a patient can have.

“Expanding government health programs will hasten the day that government rations medical care to seniors,” conservative writer Michael Cannon said in the Washington Times.

THE FACTS: Millions of Americans already face rationing, as insurance companies rule on procedures they will cover.

Denying coverage for certain procedures might increase under proposals to have a government-appointed agency identify medicines and procedures best suited for various conditions.

Obama says the goal is to identify the most effective and efficient medical practices, and to steer patients and providers to them. He recently told a forum: “We don’t want to ration by dictating to somebody, ‘OK, you know what? We don’t think that this senior should get a hip replacement.’ What we do want to be able to do is to provide information to that senior and to her doctor about, you know, this is the thing that is going to be most helpful to you in dealing with your condition.”

CLAIM: Overhauling health care will not expand the federal deficit over the long term.

Obama has pledged that “health insurance reform will not add to our deficit over the next decade, and I mean it.”

THE FACTS: Obama’s pledge does not apply to proposed spending of about $245 billion over the next decade to increase Medicare fees for doctors. The White House says the extra payment, designed to prevent a scheduled cut of about 21 percent in doctor fees, already was part of the administration’s policy.

Beyond that, the nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office said the House bill lacks mechanisms to bring health care costs under control. In response, the White House and Democratic lawmakers are talking about creating a powerful new board to root out waste in government health programs. But it’s unclear how that would work.

Budget experts also warn of accounting gimmicks that can mask true burdens on the deficit. The bipartisan Committee for a Responsible Federal Budget says they include back-loading the heaviest costs at the end of the 10-year period and beyond.

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GOP, your move.

I shouldn’t even go to the gym

I’m in the locker room trying to be careful to minimize my “space” because we all know those “space invaders” — naked on the bench (no towel underneath) or, another favorite, naked or half-naked texting.  Uh, excuse me while I try to get around your still sweating body toward my locker and change.  Skin cancer is a very serious disease and we all should be vigilant about noticing moles, etc.  BUT USING THE MIRROR AT THE GYM?  I race out of the locker room.

Now I am in the gym “proper”.

Ok. ok. ok. ok.  There is a guy who is in his late 60s, has a perma-tan and wears nylon running short-shorts (the one that really captures the perspiration smell) with one of those new-fangled half t-shirts that show off  the midrift (is that a word?).  For his age, he is in great shape.   His clothes are a sartorial tragedy. 

Not that I am much better.  I look like an anemic 40-something lawyer who hasn’t bought new gym clothes in years.  Let’s be clear that I never went for the thong look — I believe in the more covered-up the better.

I seemed to have misplaced . . . .

I looked in the mirror in the mirror just now and I feel as if I misplaced a decade somewhere.  Maybe it is in the same place where my mind has been waiting patiently to be found.  My assistant has been helping try to find my mind for eight or so years now.

I don’t pine for a lost youth.  My adult years have been great.  People who say college are the best years are NUTS.  Life gets better, more textured, more nuanced and fuller with age.

I do pine for my supple skin (vanity purposes only) and limber muscles (to keep up with my son) of my early thirties.  I am trying to be reasonble even with that — I’m not asking for early twenties.  I’ll take late thirties even, as long as there are a few extra memory cells thrown in.

My college friends; my sisters

I have been thinking about my college friends a lot lately.  Most of us have known each other since 1981.  Email has kept us current — sometimes to the minute — in each other’s lives.  We have all had to lean hard on one another and, in turn, be the supporting ones.  We laugh, we cry, we built a website (www.ifsarahcanbevp.com) and had t-shirts made celebrating our friendships.

For many years, I was dealing with internal demons, coming out of the closet and building a career.  I missed fun times, hard times, some weddings, bridal showers and a few births.  About 12 years ago, my mom got sick again.  I went through a transformation of sorts and recalibrated what mattered to me.  I reached out to my college friends, started to be more present in their lives (cyberly) and they embraced me as if the past was past and only the now mattered.  These are special women with special gifts of friendship.  When my mother died, I looked around the chapel and some had schlepped to come.  The next weekend, all were converging on NY as a planned reunion.  They all came over that next Saturday and sat in my home, just being there.  My mother was dead and my friends by their presence strengthened me.  I don’t know that I talked much, but they did and the chatter was comforting and their presence a gift.

These are friends of a lifetime.  Individually, they are fabulous and together they are a force of nature.  I love you all.

I am 45 AND it is ok if I stand . . .

On the way to work today, I heard a strange flushing sound.  I realized it was civilization rounding the drain.  Two elderly, infirm people were standing on a crowded subway (as was I) and no one offered up a seat.  How do young able-bodied passengers not see the infirm or pregnant passengers?  Do these young able-bodied passengers think they are themselves invisible to the righteously indignant third party observer (me)? 

Of course, there are people who get up for an older, infirm or pregnant passenger.  Sometimes, these people go overboard, though.  Just in the last two months, two young women have offered to get up for me.  Now, I have gray hair and have a few lines on my face, but I am fit AND I act like a child (ok, the latter is not that relevant).  Because these two young women were so earnest, I didn’t have to heart to torture them and ask, “do you think I am pregnant?” 

Actually once I got up for a younger woman who looked pregnant.  Then she realized that I was older and got up for her and she asked, “do I look pregnant?”  Thank G-d it was winter so I said that I wasn’t sure since she wore a bell shaped coat.  Actually, it wasn’t the coat; she really did look pregnant.  She was too young to have developed a beer gut but if she weren’t pregnant, it was not a pretty sight.  Yes, I can be snarky even in this situation.  I am not a very nice person.  I knew that.

Sightings on the Streets of New York

A woman who looks like a retired anthropology professor — unkempt gray hair, chino shorts, fanny pack and birkenstocks — had cobalt blue nail polish on her toes.

A man who was trying to look like Mick Jagger, Keith Richardson and Rod Stewart — impossibly skinny with the UnDead look, with form fitting bizarro clothes and lots of necklaces and sunken eyes — failed miserably.

An upper west side moment

I ducked into a place to have a seni-leisurely drink before going home because these days the subway trip is not sufficient to decompress.  I figured I woul return emails from friends and tweet or draft blog entries.  A gay man who was at the bar was pointedly seeking my attention by talking in my directionabout the differences in picture quality between the two TVs above the bar.  Since he was talking in my direction, I looked up.  He immediately slid closer to talk with me.

He kept chatting along, moving from one subject to another. But it was an insane topic-hopping.  He is just an older man without family in New York whose friends have died or are enfeebled and he probably didn’t talk to anyone that day before he caught my eye.  I listened and engaged in conversation for about one-half hour. Then I had to go home to my family.  And I realized what a gift that is: having someone waiting at home.

I think I’ll call my dad now.

Grandma, Mom and me

So I am not only becoming my mother, I am becoming my grandmother.

You may remember seeing old Jewish ladies like her. They had heavy accents and would offer you a “gless of tea in a kup” (because in the “old country” tea was served in glasses, but “vee know that here, in Amerrrica, dahlink, vee poot tea in a kup”).

They carried heavy shopping bags full of things. In fact, those shopping bags were so ubiquitous that they were called “Jewish luggage”. Which gets me to my point. This morning, I couldn’t seem to find any of my fancy shmancy bags in which to shove some of the daily detritus of my life. I spied a small Dean & Deluca shopping bag (note to self: remind family that this is not a eatery for recessionary times). So in went my blackberries (yes more than one), gym clothes, bills I need to pay, etc. Off I went to my fancy shmancy job at my fancy shmancy office with my shtetl style bag.

Some things must just be in our genes. From generation to generation. . . .