A person is as a person is, dead or alive

Death doesn’t erase parts of a person that are more conveniently forgotten or “forgiven”.  As Elie Wiesel once said, only the victims [or hurt parties] can forgive. Leave the cleansing for G-d. Not that I want only to harp on the allegations or the bizarre physical transformations swirling around Michael Jackson. We just need to recognize the complexities of a person and then give that person his or her due. Because each of us is a jumble of good and bad impulses and acts. 

I think we idolize “winners”.  And our “winners” cannot have feet of clay or disappoints their fans, so they either fall from grace or their sins are overlooked.  Unless, of course, the erstwhile “winner” emerges triumphant from adversity and then we have an inspirational Sunday movie about it.

Michael Jackson — why all of him matters

No one fits neatly into the pigeon holes our society creates for us.

Look at my statistics:

I am not married to the mother of my child but we live together (we are waiting for same sex marriage to be legal) so we have a “child AT RISK” .  “At risk” for what is never spelled out but clearly it is beyond what a civil society can bear.

I have a high paying job and we own our home so we are upstanding members of the community.

I am a finance lawyer so I am a blood sucking parasite who doomed our economy.

We have our widower fathers over to dinner on Sunday nights along with my sister and brother-in-law so we are the Cleavers or Ozzie and Harriet.

We are members of a synagogue, so we are righteous.

We have never railed against heterosexuality, so we are prophets.

We are lesbians so we are dangerous to family values and a scourge.

We love this nation and we were against the Iraqi war, so for 8 years we were unpatriotic enemy sympathizers.

Call me Sybil.

Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson

So don’t deaths happen in threes? Michael Jackson, a complicated legend who lived as a child until his death, and Farrah Fawcett, a 70’s cultural sensation as a giggling detective (in a bathing suit) in the age of the feminist movement. I don’t know these people but they bookmark points in my life. Just their mention evoke memories of times and places — some good memories, others not so much . Since the child molestation accusations against Michael Jackson, I have not been able to listen to his music. I am not in a court of law and I do not choose to separate the artist from the alleged predator. Others will disagree (but this is my blog).

The silver lining is that Jon & Kate will fall off the news cycle. I have never seen (or wanted to see) the show. All that I have learned about them is the result of Jon’s infidelity. (Hmmm. Another thread running through stories, huh, Gov. Sanford). The bad news is that Iran, North Korea, Myanmar and health care, global warming and financial system reform and other critical issues will also fall off the news cycle.

All as we mourn people we don’t know but think we know. I guess I understand mourning people we don’t really know. I was very sad when the former Chief Judge of the US Bankruptcy Court for the SDNY, Tina L. Brozman, died. She was an incredible role model for me as a young lawyer appearing before her. She had the self-confidence to be polite and gracious in her courtroom. She was fiercely intelligent. Once she dressed me down in court. She taught me many lessons. I remember lighting a candle for her along with those for my mother and grandparents on Yom Kippur the year that she died. Because I guess people, even unintentionally, impact the lives of others. It is an awesome power, really. That each of us could be a role model for good or for bad to those around us. What a powerful connection that ties one human to another.

So bad things happen in threes? Let’s hope the third casualty is Gov. Sanford’s career.