Abuse + Denial = Tragedy

The remnants of a family coping with the aftermath of the mother, intoxicated on booze and drugs, killing so many.  It couldn’t be what the coroner said.  It had to be something else.  I get denial. But there is a weird twist to this.  Politicians so often stand before the microphone and say specious things about a topic or issue.  The fact that they speak it makes it true to some.  Politicians create a “truth” irrespective of the facts all of the time.  Isn’t that then what we as a society do when bad things happen?  We don’t take responsibility, we don’t acknowledge the facts.  We create a truth.

This family is wondering if they ever knew the person who caused this terrible loss of life.  And, they are learning from our elected leaders that it is ok to hide behind a manufactured fact than face the hard realities.

Alcohol and Phone-Call Details in Wrong-Way Crash

Published: August 7, 2009 New York Times

The husband of the intoxicated woman who killed herself and seven others after driving the wrong way on the Taconic State Parkway said Friday that they carried the same bottle of vodka every weekend between their home and a campground during the summer.

G. Paul Burnett/The New York Times

Daniel Schuler, center, with his lawyer, Dominic A. Barbara, left, and Tom Ruskin, an investigator working for Mr. Schuler.

In doing so, he offered the first explanation of how his wife may have had access to alcohol on the morning of the crash, on July 26.

Tom Ruskin, an investigator who is working for the husband, Daniel Schuler, said that Mr. Schuler occasionally drank vodka and that his wife, Diane, was so frugal that she packed the same bottle of Absolut in a bag meant for trips between the family’s home in Suffolk County, on Long Island, and the camper in the Sullivan County campground they had frequented for the past three years. He said a single bottle could last a year for the Schulers.

But Mr. Ruskin said Mr. Schuler did not see the bottle that day, and was not sure whether his wife had packed the bottle in the bags he loaded into the minivan that Ms. Schuler drove from the campground. “He did not pack it, he did not see it,” Mr. Ruskin said. “As far as he knows, it is still in the camper, but I haven’t been up there and none of the investigative staff has checked it out as of yet.”

The authorities have said that Ms. Schuler, 36, of West Babylon, had a blood-alcohol level of 0.19 percent, more than twice the legal limit, and high levels of the chemical found in marijuana when she collided, head-on, about 1:35 p.m. with a Chevrolet TrailBlazer. Some days later, a broken Absolut vodka bottle was discovered under a seat in the minivan. Each revelation in the case has led to more questions about a crash that has left a riveted public uncomprehending of the tragedy: Ms. Schuler was killed, as was her daughter, Erin, 2; her three nieces, Emma, 8, Alyson, 7, and Kate, 5; and the three men in the TrailBlazer: Michael Bastardi, 81, his son, Guy Bastardi, 49, and a family friend, Daniel Longo, 74, all from Yonkers.

Mr. Schuler and his family have insisted that despite the toxicology findings, Diane Schuler rarely, if ever, drank, and that a medical problem must have had a role in the events of that day.

Mr. Ruskin said on Friday that phone records showed that four calls were logged on Ms. Schuler’s cellphone in the last hours of her life — two incoming calls and two outgoing ones.

He said that Ms. Schuler called her brother, Warren Hance, at 11:37 a.m., to say that she was in traffic, “running a bit late,” but that her nieces would be home in time for a scheduled performance rehearsal. At 12:08 p.m., Ms. Schuler received a call, but it is not yet known who made the call, Mr. Ruskin said.

Emma Hance called her father at 12:58 p.m. and said, “Daddy, there is something wrong with Aunt Diane and she is having trouble seeing and she is talking funny, she is slurring,” Mr. Ruskin said. That call was dropped after three minutes and Mr. Hance called back at 1:01 p.m., in a conversation that lasted nine minutes.

The authorities, who have recovered Ms. Schuler’s abandoned cellphone, will dig into the phone records as part of a criminal investigation by the New York State Police and the Westchester County district attorney’s office.

Law enforcement officials said on Friday that while misdemeanor charges could be brought if someone knowingly allowed a drunken driver to take off with children in a car, they did not expect to seek criminal charges against Mr. Schuler or Mr. Hance.

Still, the authorities said the criminal inquiry is continuing for two reasons: There is a public interest, since the crash occurred in daylight on a state parkway, and the families affected by the crash are in need of answers.

Lt. Dominick L. Chiumento of the State Police said that Mr. Hance was interviewed by investigators on Thursday, but that an interview of Mr. Schuler scheduled for that day did not occur. The lieutenant said that Mr. Schuler was not interviewed by the police on Friday and that investigators hoped to speak to him “as soon as possible.”

Meanwhile, investigators have spoken to people at a McDonald’s where Ms. Schuler stopped on her way home and determined “that there was no indication of any illness or impairment at the time she was there,” the State Police said in a statement. Ms. Schuler left the restaurant between 10:30 a.m. and 10:45 a.m., the police said.

With the specter of possible civil liability hanging over the case, Mr. Schuler, through representatives, including his lawyer, Dominic A. Barbara, and Mr. Ruskin, has mounted a public effort to say that Ms. Schuler must have suffered some kind of medical crisis before the crash and that they are trying to find out what happened.

In conversations with the authorities before the release of the toxicology reports, Mr. Schuler told investigators that his wife had no health crises, according to one law enforcement official.

On Friday, Rosemary Guzzo, the daughter of Michael Bastardi, said her family was angered by what Mr. Schuler and his representatives said at a news conference on Thursday.

“I couldn’t even watch it, I had to walk outside the house,” said Ms. Guzzo. “It bothered me so much.”

The Westchester County medical examiner who produced the toxicology reports issued a statement Thursday standing by the findings and reaffirmed it on Friday.

The Schulers’ 5-year-old son, Bryan, survived the crash.

Charles V. Bagli, Nate Schweber and Karen Zraick contributed reporting.

You GO, Jenny Sanford

Your leaving the Governor’s mansion with your boys sets a better example than staying.  Spouses should expect respect, love and support from each other.  Children learn what to expect from relationships from their parents and, too often, TV.  It is just not ok for a spouse to disappear and, upon reappearing, publicly declare love for another person.  That is selfish, and emotionally abusive.  Does Gov. Sanford want his kids to model that behavior? 

Oh I forgot.  Gov. Sanford is part of the C Street group — so holy, they can do what they want.  See Doonesbury comic strip about the C Street guys.  Thank you, Rachel Maddow, for tweeting about this.

Uh oh

My 7 year-old wants to read my blog.  Is there a V-chip for blogs?

There is also the old-fashioned answer: No, dear, you can’t.  Sometimes old-style parenting does the trick.

The simple pleasures

Today, I got to play with my son before work.  Tonight, a former colleague is coming to dinner on a week night.  In the go-go days, these things would never have happened.

On Saturday night, my partner and I have a dinner date with another couple.  It is hard (and expensive) to find a Saturday night babysitter in August.  So, my sister, brother-in-law and father are coming over to have pizza with our son and hang with him and put him to bed.  Our son is so excited, and so is Grandpa.  We save money on a babysitter and our son gets to play with his favorite aunt and uncle, and his grandpa.

Forget the green shoots in the economy.  Look at the silver lining of the down turn.

Thought for the not-so-new media

Too much information is available on Facebook.  And available for everyone to see.

If we could put a man on the Moon, someone techie can figure out how to devise a nuclear-proof fire-walls between parents’ and their children’s Facebook pages.  If you want to know the threat to family values, finding out too much about your parents or your kids can really cause embarrassing (or worse) moments.

For example, how does a father explain to his daughter that his nickname in college was Spanky, or The Fiend?  How does a daughter explain those inappropriate pictures at a party where there are social lubricants in evidence.

I hope that Facebook and its progeny don’t exist when my son is old enough to have a page.  I know I won’t want that information.

Growing Pains

You are only as happy as your child is on any given day.  And your child’s fears and sadnesses are like daggers in your heart.  My mother would say things like this and I totally get it. 

My son is now 7 and he has to manage social interactions and other activities which are not his strengths.  And he has to do so beyond our reach and ability to facilitate the situations.  And he needs to do this without us because he has to learn and grow and all that.  I know, I know, I know, I know.  I also know that I want to protect my little boy from all of life’s hurts from little boo-boos to real bona fide problems.  I totally get why his imaginary worlds are way easier.  If I were the least bit creative, I would really have grooved on imaginary worlds.

Last night he was so sad about having to do a performance at camp today.  It was the entirety of his world and it was heartbreaking.  I could tell him and tell him again that he should trust me that everything was going to be ok, that I know these things, that I am not letting anything bad happen.  I could just hear his dread and feel his sadness and self-doubt.  Finally, after a story, he fell asleep.

My partner and I internalized all his sadness, were grumpy until we went to sleep and both slept fitfully.  At drop-off this morning, she promised him french fries with dinner.  She called the camp today and spoke with the director.  She checked on him and he was doing fine.  We are tired, over-wrought, wrecks. He gets french fries tonight for being a trooper.  I need a quart of Cherry Garcia.  And a quart of New York Super Chunk Fudge.  And maybe a french fry or six. 

The good news is that we all survived the day at camp.  I think my partner and I are more the worse for wear.  My son — he’s fine.

Newsflash: Watching TV is even worse for your kids than you think

Apparently, not only are their minds going to mush but there is a link between blood pressure in children and their choice of TV as their inactive pastimes.

To some it may be a chicken-and-egg issue, but I am going for broke on this one to say that the brain mush-ification is causing kids to choose TV and leading to all these other bad things.

I watch cartoons with my son on weekend mornings and I was so sad when he moved from Arthur and Animalia to the Cartoon networks and WPIX.  Some serious weird stuff on those channels.  But watching this stuff prepares them for adulthood.  Look at what the average American watches:  American Idol, I am a Celebrity–Get me Out of Here, Survivor, Dance your A@@ Off, Deal or No Deal.  The real worry is that if the mushification of the brain starts too early, then by the time a person is 25, his or her brain will be liquid and pouring out of his or her ears.

Now, THAT is something to worry about.