Heard on the bus: “I’m not on the track team anymore — all that runnin’. I’m doing gymnastics. My grandma had a stroke and either she is upset and not talking or maybe something is wrong with her brain now. I don’t know.” The civilization is rounding the drain.
Big 1950s hair curlers being used at the gym. She was not naked, though so I guess that’s ok.
Ah, a typical day on the road to Utopia.
Reason no.1: There are three adolescent girls, with clearly a lot of their parents’ disposable income for their every whim, chatting loudly, gesticulating wildly and clearly talking about the sandals of the women on the bus in Spanish. Since my Spanish is not the best, I had to rely on eye contact and glances, etc. as the basis of my suspicions. Based on the shopping bags were from stores that made me think their parents were diplomats or ex-pat business people. Good that they are being taught values by having to ride the bus.
Reason No. 2: Elderly man and woman struggle onto the bus, all seats are taken and no one gets up (I already standing). Then, someone gets up to exit the bus and a too-well-groomed-but-my-shoes-are-not-quite-right-so-it-is-obvious-I-am-wearing-my-entire-net-worth-on-my-body woman listening to an iPod takes the seat. Is there a crisis intervention counselor on the bus? Fortunately, she notices what is happening around her and gets the f+++ up. Did you know that there are bridge crossers on all major bridges leading into Manhattan? It is because sometimes people freak out and can’t drive across a bridge. We need Bus Rangers to get everyone to their respective destinations. Ok I need my very own Bus Ranger to protect the humanity that surrounds me from my going postal.
Reason No. 3: the stupidest phone conversations since the beginning of time. This is one we can all understand, I think.
Reason No. 4: a guy made a clearing his throat noise with a hint of future, actual spitting action. In fact, he didn’t do anything with it outside his mouth although the imagery is making me sick.
Things noticed on public transportation:
Many men have bald spots. Everyone is talking on a cell phone or has an iPod. Jean jackets are being worn by people of all ages. If a couple is dressed casually, the man is way more sloppy, unless both are doing the grunge/fishnet stocking thing and then the girl looks like an alien. People don’t look in the mirror before leaving the house. It is too early to wear sandals. Clothes in store windows are not for human use. No one smiles when walking and no one strolls — not even the retirees. Some men shouldn’t wear English cut (two vents) or Italian cut (narrow; no vent). They should stick with two button, single vent. Who thinks it is a good idea to sit on a city street while waiting for the bus? Some people should not eat calzones in public.
And I thought the Unabomber was in prison. Here is a guy with filthy coke-bottle glasses and crazy hair, carrying many pages of handwritten text. He is now up and asking for money for food and sleep. Money for sleep. Hmmm
It was almost as if he forgot to beg until after he finished writing and scrutinizing other passengers in a sociopathic way. He doesn’t look or smell homeless. He sat back down.
In typical NY fashion, I do not move into another car. I stay in the same car as a sociopath because after assessing the odds of a sociopath in each train car, I am opting for the sociopath I know.
Ok he left. So far, no other sociopath has presented symptoms in public. Many look slightly agitated as if they’ve had bad days and still have to take a commuter train home from Penn Station or Grand Central Station. Others have that blank face that is scary in its own way. Ok, now socio-man has returned, begging.
Ok, so he left again. Now a man in a parka with a hood is talking to himself and staring off in that crazy way. He is really scary because he looks and smells homeless. Not sure why I think he could turn violent at any second. Maybe because he lives way off the grid and he is talking threateningly and with anger. This is a time when I am glad I am getting off at the next stop.
QED that every train car must have a sociopath, lest the cosmic stasis be upended.
Notes from Underground, indeed.
So a ride on the bus to save money on a taxi. Too much humanity here, though. A man is wearing driving gloves as he sits in a seat and holds the bar over the seat in front of him. Probably had to give up his car (he looks quite aged) and is yearning for the driving experience. He has Easy Spirit type black shoes and overgrown ear hair. I have been noticing these things a lot more since I have notice whiskers on my chin.
Someone is sitting in a back corner seat and is putting post-its on the wall of the bus. Can’t see too well but it looks like stick figures drawn with a red flair pen.
The man next to me had onions and garlic recently and his reflux is reacting — both directions. I have now moved and have a whole new view (and fresher air). No one particularly remarkable from this angle.
It is only 60 degrees and already the sights and smells of summer have hit the subway.
There should be a rule that 50% of one’s body should be covered especially if one’s body mass index (BMI) is over the VPT (visually pleasing threshold). And even after 50% coverage, someone with a BMT over the VPT could trigger an IHR (involuntary heaving reaction). All in all, a public safety crisis that must be addressed immediately by Mayor Bloomberg. Imagine if a subway car full of people had IHRs because of one passenger with a BMI over VPT and less than 50% clothes coverage ratio. Not a pretty sight. In fact, I might have an IHR just thinking about it.
Ok and please explain how people can smell so bad in 60 degree weather. Maybe less bathing is an eco-friendly initiative. I know the smell makes ME green.