There is a man who wears the same thing every time I see him and it is not just because of our work-out routines. He is also a grunter and doesn’t wipe down machines. I like to think that he thinks air-drying is better for the environment. There is a girl chatting with him now. Do I tell her that he is always wearing the same clothes and sneakers with no socks? (I forgot to mention that lovely piece of info.) Ewww. Ewwwww. Ewwww. I ponder and I walk away.
Is it un-ecofriendly to use two sani-seats at the gym bathrooms if your thighs are shaking from your work-out and you need to sit?
There is a woman in my subway car reading a book called “Donor Recruitment: Tips and Techniques”. My first reaction was “sperm donor” — how to corner a guy and get him to give you a cupful.
But I guess it could be anything and she could even be working for the Red Cross or something. But still you can’t make this up. Some people live their lives in full view of an accidental audience.
We had a 7th birthday party for our son. 17 kids doing gymnastics at Chelsea Piers. The screams of joy and peals of laughter are still echoing in my head — like a migraine. I can’t wait until mid-week when the pain is gone and I look back on the party fondly.
A gross homeless man is on the bus. Did he pay more? I ask because adult lice should be required to pay something. Fascinating that the smell of the homeless man is so different from taxicab stench. There is perspiration smell and then there is raw sewage smell. As a NYer, no matter how bad it gets I’m not getting off to wait another fifteen minutes for another bus. I would take a cab but I try to limit myself to one unreimbursable cab ride per day (this morning, one appeared right before my eyes and it was a cultural imperative to hop in). I’m feeling a little faint. I wonder if I got into a gross cab, would the smells cancel each other out or would the synergies create an explosive effect. So I decided to sit down. Of course next to the older woman with a urine smell “issue”. I’ll brave it out because my mom z”l wore Depends at the end of her life. Some woman sat down near the gross homeless man and started looking around for the source of the smell. Helloooooooooo. A few minutes have passed now and she has changed her seat. She and her seat are forever changed. Now a new aroma: sauteed-onion-in-a-plastic-bag smell. A lunch not eaten. A bacterial warfare agent created. A new life and all its complexities. A beautiful moment. Some of that could be haiku.
Heard on the bus: “I’m not on the track team anymore — all that runnin’. I’m doing gymnastics. My grandma had a stroke and either she is upset and not talking or maybe something is wrong with her brain now. I don’t know.” The civilization is rounding the drain.
Big 1950s hair curlers being used at the gym. She was not naked, though so I guess that’s ok.
Ah, a typical day on the road to Utopia.
The M4 goes up Madison Avenue past Mt. Sinai hospital. Many people on the bus get out at the stop near the hospital. I am sitting across from a 20-something year old who answered her phone and then I overheard saying that she was on her way to the hospital. As I looked up, I saw her lip quiver and her eyes water. It is odd to share a moment with a stranger — our eyes met as hers welled up and I didn’t look away immediately although I probably should have to give her privacy. She is cupping her hand over her cell phone. Now, she is getting off the bus at “the stop”. Life.
Reason no.1: There are three adolescent girls, with clearly a lot of their parents’ disposable income for their every whim, chatting loudly, gesticulating wildly and clearly talking about the sandals of the women on the bus in Spanish. Since my Spanish is not the best, I had to rely on eye contact and glances, etc. as the basis of my suspicions. Based on the shopping bags were from stores that made me think their parents were diplomats or ex-pat business people. Good that they are being taught values by having to ride the bus.
Reason No. 2: Elderly man and woman struggle onto the bus, all seats are taken and no one gets up (I already standing). Then, someone gets up to exit the bus and a too-well-groomed-but-my-shoes-are-not-quite-right-so-it-is-obvious-I-am-wearing-my-entire-net-worth-on-my-body woman listening to an iPod takes the seat. Is there a crisis intervention counselor on the bus? Fortunately, she notices what is happening around her and gets the f+++ up. Did you know that there are bridge crossers on all major bridges leading into Manhattan? It is because sometimes people freak out and can’t drive across a bridge. We need Bus Rangers to get everyone to their respective destinations. Ok I need my very own Bus Ranger to protect the humanity that surrounds me from my going postal.
Reason No. 3: the stupidest phone conversations since the beginning of time. This is one we can all understand, I think.
Reason No. 4: a guy made a clearing his throat noise with a hint of future, actual spitting action. In fact, he didn’t do anything with it outside his mouth although the imagery is making me sick.