Heard on the bus: “I’m not on the track team anymore — all that runnin’. I’m doing gymnastics. My grandma had a stroke and either she is upset and not talking or maybe something is wrong with her brain now. I don’t know.” The civilization is rounding the drain.
Big 1950s hair curlers being used at the gym. She was not naked, though so I guess that’s ok.
Ah, a typical day on the road to Utopia.
The M4 goes up Madison Avenue past Mt. Sinai hospital. Many people on the bus get out at the stop near the hospital. I am sitting across from a 20-something year old who answered her phone and then I overheard saying that she was on her way to the hospital. As I looked up, I saw her lip quiver and her eyes water. It is odd to share a moment with a stranger — our eyes met as hers welled up and I didn’t look away immediately although I probably should have to give her privacy. She is cupping her hand over her cell phone. Now, she is getting off the bus at “the stop”. Life.
I think about my mother all of the time but most especially around my son’s birthday. She died when he was six months old. My mom was a woman of uncommon strength with a deep concern for humanity. She believed in the American dream — opportunity for all who wanted a better life. She was a product of the American dream. Mom loved a good protest, voter registration drive or a lively dinner time political debate with family and friends. She believed that people could do small acts to heal the world. I remember thinking that I was glad she didn’t live to see the Iraq invasion. And I knew her pride in this country would have soared if she were able to vote in the Clinton-Obama Democratic primary. She, like me, would have been torn by the choice but thrilled that such a choice were even possible. And once Candidate Obama became President Obama, she would have cried at the ability of our nation to see past old prejudices. And then she would worry about his safety. And then she would want to scold him for smoking. And she would be grateful for the opportunity to set a new course for our nation and the world.
Mom would not “get” blogging or twitter. She would say, “get up from the computer and see the world and do things”. And she would rail against the dangers of typing on those raspberry gadgets while walking on the street. (She was never good at names or idioms). I would say, “BLACKberry, Mom!!” And she would wave me off with a quick retort, “DEEEtails”.
I would just like to say that there is a woman with a gorgeous, fit body at the gym. I am tempted to ask her how much time she works out a day, although some of it is just her genes. Beauty like that is an accident of nature.
Reason no.1: There are three adolescent girls, with clearly a lot of their parents’ disposable income for their every whim, chatting loudly, gesticulating wildly and clearly talking about the sandals of the women on the bus in Spanish. Since my Spanish is not the best, I had to rely on eye contact and glances, etc. as the basis of my suspicions. Based on the shopping bags were from stores that made me think their parents were diplomats or ex-pat business people. Good that they are being taught values by having to ride the bus.
Reason No. 2: Elderly man and woman struggle onto the bus, all seats are taken and no one gets up (I already standing). Then, someone gets up to exit the bus and a too-well-groomed-but-my-shoes-are-not-quite-right-so-it-is-obvious-I-am-wearing-my-entire-net-worth-on-my-body woman listening to an iPod takes the seat. Is there a crisis intervention counselor on the bus? Fortunately, she notices what is happening around her and gets the f+++ up. Did you know that there are bridge crossers on all major bridges leading into Manhattan? It is because sometimes people freak out and can’t drive across a bridge. We need Bus Rangers to get everyone to their respective destinations. Ok I need my very own Bus Ranger to protect the humanity that surrounds me from my going postal.
Reason No. 3: the stupidest phone conversations since the beginning of time. This is one we can all understand, I think.
Reason No. 4: a guy made a clearing his throat noise with a hint of future, actual spitting action. In fact, he didn’t do anything with it outside his mouth although the imagery is making me sick.
Things noticed on public transportation:
Many men have bald spots. Everyone is talking on a cell phone or has an iPod. Jean jackets are being worn by people of all ages. If a couple is dressed casually, the man is way more sloppy, unless both are doing the grunge/fishnet stocking thing and then the girl looks like an alien. People don’t look in the mirror before leaving the house. It is too early to wear sandals. Clothes in store windows are not for human use. No one smiles when walking and no one strolls — not even the retirees. Some men shouldn’t wear English cut (two vents) or Italian cut (narrow; no vent). They should stick with two button, single vent. Who thinks it is a good idea to sit on a city street while waiting for the bus? Some people should not eat calzones in public.
I am in a cab. Passenger cabin air quality not optimal. Speed and altitude acceptable. (Flying through a red light was certainly invigorating if petrifying.)
So, we needed to go to Uncle B’s unveiling one recent Sunday. The previous Thursday, I received a call from cousin B. who wanted a ride because he and his wife want to see Uncle B. I wasn’t sure whether he remembered that Uncle B wasn’t going to be there.
So, on Sunday during the first hour of the trip, my sister and I tried to ascertain whether cousin B was going to freak out that no one told him Uncle B was dead, whether he actually knew but was using shorthand or whether he would start forgetting why he was there. Imagine, my sister’s and my asking questions in that way that people in the Saturday Night Live “Pat” skits tried to ascertain Pat’s gender. (He remembered.) But I digress.
My sister and I spent the day before bracing ourselves for my dad and Cousin B in the same car. Why, you ask? Because Cousin B talks about the intricacies of his bodily functions in such exquisite detail that it is a little disturbing and my father spontaneously breaks into “When Johnny comes marching home again”. No joke. No idea why.
My sister and I devised a counting system: my sister would get a point every time cousin B referred to prune juice as an elixir which he discovered, or how he is sledding downhill on a fast sled on an iced-over mountain. I would get a point every time Dad spontaneously broke into When Johnny Comes Marching Home Again, or The Chicken in the Army. What we need to include next time is cousin B’s constant complaining — I ruined his good knee because there was not enough leg room — and Dad’s need to read every sign on the highway and, for fun, putting the emPHAsis on the wrong sylLAble. Total travel time, 3.5 hours each way plus a few hours at Uncle B’s son’s house for the obligatory food orgy.