I have been coughing for 4 weeks (although not contagious for three of those weeks).
But the sleepless nights with incessant spasms of hacking cough have taken a toil on my health and sanity. (And the couch isn’t so comfortable.) I am sick and tired of being sick and tired and my malady is really just a supersized stubbed toe. So, it is hard to take up anyone’s time with it.
SOB insisted that I see Dr. Mary and accompanied me to the visit. Dr. Mary listened and said, “It sounds like pertussis [whooping cough], but if it were pertussis, you would have infected half of the city by now.”
SIDEBAR: Why do people call it whooping cough? It sounds so deceivingly innocuous. Reminds me of when I was a kid and everyone was talking very heatedly about Youths in Asia and Men in Jitus. Why were the Youths in Asia being killed and the Men in Jitus having very serious brain stem problems? Only later did I have that Eureka moment: euthanasia and meningitis.
From a breath test, she was able to determine that this is one big allergic response. But to what is still an unknown. She set me up for blood tests and xrays, etc.
To relax my lungs, she put me on steroids [Just call me Blogroid] and said, “this will make you puffy and really hungry, so you might gain weight.” Wow, really? How come when men take performance enhancement steroids, this doesn’t happen. This is totally a bummer and gender bias to boot.
But that is not all, “You must rest your vocal chords. They are very strained. You cannot speak [or cough] unless necessary.”
But Dr. Mary, I am a lawyer — as in “have mouth, will speak”.
I cannot even imagine the glee with which so many people will receive this news. Already, The COB is doing a little jig in the office.
But I can kick box. So, be afraid.