Dear Mom:
I miss you and, just between us, Mother’s Day is really all about you.
But CLSFOB (camp/law school FOB) helped me reach an epiphany. We were talking before the weekend (she, too, is a mom) and she wished me a happy Mother’s Day.
I, of course, responded:
“It is about my mom and she is gone.”
“Wow, so [SOS] doesn’t celebrate you or anything? It is just a sad day?”
“Well, I didn’t mean it that way…”
SIDEBAR: Ok, yes, yes, I did.
“But he should be able to celebrate!! Does he feel the heaviness?”
SIDEBAR: OK, CLSFOB, I get it. Sheeeesh. I should introduce you to SNOBFOB.
“Move on, Counselor, you’ve made your point.”
I was getting testy because CLSFOB hit a chord. But she was right.
So, this weekend, I have tried to be more open to taking my position as MOM on Mother’s Day. And it feels good. Ok, not so good, but better than I thought. But I am not going to say that CLSFOB is right again. Nope. Not gonna do that.
To tell you the truth, I feel a little like a mom with Dad. And I think SOB does, too.
I had the “Dad call” this weekend. SOB was in the ICU and saving lives (just not ours). So, I had lunch with Dad on Saturday and we all went to the Metropolitan Museum of Art today.
I chronicle the days so BOB and SOB feel like they were there. The emails are entitled “This Day in Dad”:
“Dear [SOB] and [BOB]:
I had lunch with Dad today. Dad tried to hide those scam solicitations [that target the elderly] from me when I picked him up. But I commenced a search and rescue mission with critical help from [home aide]. I rescued Dad from an entire shopping bag’s worth of scams and shams. In the midst of the junk, there were important papers. Aaargh.
We may need new night people. They do nothing apparently and Dad cleans up after them. They don’t help him with personal hygiene. That’s a big part of the job. But, I don’t know if I can deal with trying out new people. I am tired just thinking about that process.
Worked up an appetite by the time we got to the Coffee Shop of the Undead. I ordered a large Greek salad and a hamburger deluxe and the waiter asked if we expecting another person. I replied that I am quite hungry and quite capable of finishing both before my companions finished their meals. I didn’t disappoint.
Dad wondered why Sam wasn’t at the coffee shop. I had a moment: was Sam no longer UNdead? But, phew, it turns out that he is still alive, but failing unfortunately.
We had a perfectly lovely lunch. After I left, he handed [home aide] a sweepstakes envelope with a check in it to mail. He didn’t want me to see it. So he is not as clueless as everyone thinks. She called me and I told her not to mail it.
Then, because I am a glutton for punishment, I went to ULOB’s bank branch to get more information for AROB’s nephew so he can have a proper paper trail of what was transferred to ULOB when AROB died. I get why he is stressed out but I really want to introduce him to some “chill” meds. Now I feel bad thinking that because it turns out he was spending the day with AROB’s newly discovered UNdead sister in the psychiatric facility. He is a good and kind man. I am not as good and kind.
End of Report.
Love, [Blogger]”
Of course, these emails engender discussion: BOB wants me to take away his checks (I did that once before and he just went to the bank and got more) because he can’t discern good charities from bad ones and he likes to enter sweepstakes. BOB worries that Dad is well intentioned but vulnerable and impaired. SOB observes (correctly) that he likes to feel generous with charities but maybe he will accept some oversight (not so confident about this part of the assessment). I think that he really needs to conserve resources but I cannot take away his checks but I don’t want him to think he is running out of money. Too emasculating. With no more emails flying, the debated ends. Because I have the final say (for now), I render a reasoned decision (for now).
Decision for the day (mine): We continue to run a loose ship, with BOB dissenting. I have no extra time to be the enforcer. It will not be perfect. It just has to work. Most of the time. We will review the status quo weekly and re-calibrate as necessary. Signed, [Blogger], President of Dad, Inc.
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Today, we had a great time at the Met. SOS walked a lot with Dad. They are quite bonded. I can imagine how happy you would be seeing them together.
After the Met, we went to a coffee shop that just doesn’t cater to the Undead. What a nice change in scenery, but the turn-over in big tables was not as fast. At this coffee shop, the patrons probably buy green bananas.
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So, after almost 11 years, this was my first Mother’s Day where I accept wearing that mantle. I will never forget you on Mother’s Day or on any other day, ever. It is just that being mom to SOS and in loco parentis to Dad may entitle me to an honorable mention today and a little celebration. Then, again, SOS didn’t make cards, so I tortured him and now I am not such a good mom.
I love you,
Blogger
