Ok, ok, ok.

A DFOSOB (dear friend of sister of blogger) is in a shaky relationship with a guy we call Stan.  Stan is not his real name and we purposefully don’t use his real name when we are mad at him because if FOSOB and he were to get back together again, well, then we would ditch the name Stan, with all of its negative connotations.  A brilliant idea devised by my brother-in-law HOSOB (husband of SOB).

I met Stan at HOSOB’s and SOB’s wedding.  I remember telling SOB at her wedding that Stan hit the jackpot with DFOSOB, because DFOSOB is urbane, kind, gracious, loving, graceful, fun-loving and totally terrific (and not because she is SOB’s college friend and someone I have known for over 30 years).  Stan is — how do you say? — none of the above.  But FOSOB loves him and as much as we all wanted her to dump the chump when he got cold feet about getting married, we were honest (in my case, brutally) but supportive of her decision to stick it out and make it work.

Because DFOSOB is family (after so many years, how could we not be), we (ok, not I) held our tongues as to our assessment of the man to whom she gave her heart.  But now Stan wants to extricate himself from the relationship.

No more biting my tongue (as if I ever did).

Stan has rounded the drain and can only hereafter be referred to as SHMUK (selfish, happiness-adverse, mean-spirited, unctious kvetcher).  FOSOB is still upset — G-d bless her, she sees something in SHMUK — but he doesn’t deserve her and never did.  That he doesn’t realize that he will never find anyone who comes close to DFOSOB is proof positive of his delusional psyche.  I met the guy and a Renaissance man or Superman he is not.  DFOSOB deserves someone who will make her laugh, make her feel loved and beautiful, catch her when she falls, who will hold her up in her weak moments and will love her when time (and, G-d forbid, disease) diminishes her vitality.  SHMUK is not up to the task.  He is not a man; he is gray haired, petulant boy.

If only DFOSOB liked girls, I think I could hook her up with some wonderful people . . . .