Hallmark holidays suck. At least on Father’s Day. At least for this mother of a father-less son.
I block it every year. I can’t ever remember that it is Father’s Day until we trip over it. And then I think,
“Oh shit, will SOS be ok?”
Ok, I am not a good planner when it comes to this “holiday.” I block it because I cannot conjure up a facsimile dad. There is no vegan turkey for this thanksgiving holiday.
And then I fixate on our aging Dads. Because it is easier.
SOS was not in a great mood today. But, thank G-d, he spent some special time with Cousin Gentle.
The clan gathered for dinner. Still, SOS was in a whiny mood. I assumed it was the Father’s Day thing, but interestingly, he was very cuddly with me. I could not read the signals because usually when he is feeling different about having two moms, he is mean to me. I was bracing for that treatment all day.
At dinner, we toasted our fathers, brothers, uncles, cousins, sons and grandsons. Dad was disconnected and confused. FOPOB was surprisingly present and engaged. The world was upside down.
After the ganza mispocheh (the big family) left, I went into SOS’s room to talk.
“Dude, I want to talk about Father’s Day.”
“Why?”
“Because this is one of those days when I regret that you don’t have a dad, because it feels like everyone is celebrating having a dad and, so today, but really only today, I hate that you don’t.”
“Really, E-Mom? It is ok. It is like being Jewish at Christmas. Is that what you wanted to talk about?”
Ahhhhh. I made special note of the “OMG-you’re-so-lame-how-do-survive-a-day-in-the-world” tone.
I smiled to myself. (I couldn’t give SOS the satisfaction.) And I thought of Crosby, Still, Nash & Young:
And you, of the tender years can’t know the fears that your elders grew by,
And so please help them with your youth,
they seek the truth before they can die.
Teach your parents well, their children’s hell will slowly go by,
And feed them on your dreams, the one they fix, the one you’ll know by.
Don’t you ever ask them why, if they told you, you would cry,
So just look at them and sigh and know they love you.
SOS, my best and toughest teacher, in the subject of life. I learn these lessons because my happiness depends on it.
Happy father’s day to all, whether or not it applies.
