It is funny that I am approaching “midlife”.  I am not really going to live to 100 and I really can’t afford it and I will have lost my mind along the side of the road at 82 and so what is the point?

But 50 is big.  A lot has happened around me to make me think about my life.

I have a good life.  No question.  I am a lucky person.

And I look at the remarkable people in my life — my friends, my family and my colleagues — and think about the fights they fight, the regrets they harbor and seek to resolve, the fears that they conquer.  And I resolve to do the same.

Life is never what we imagine, when we are in school.  How could it be mapped out so perfectly?  Life is like a mercurial, quixotic, unfair, tempting and mysterious lover.

[SIDEBAR:  that word was for you CTFOB and all the Soeurs]

It brings you highs and lows.  The highs are as if you are on top of the roller coaster and the lows are the swift ride down.  And the pain is immeasurable.  And the unfairness of it all is staggering.  But for the fortunate ones, like me, life has given us immeasurable moments of insight, happiness and people whom we love and who love us right back.

I have been consumed by responsibilities lately.  They have overtaken my spirit and conversation (and my blog).  I have been focusing on the downside on the roller coaster.

But today, today, I feel re-directed out of my silo.  I need to do the things I enjoy:  see friends and colleagues, take time to laugh, enjoy the wonder of this City, and engage with family over things not funereal.  Really dig deep and enjoy life’s blessings until life sends me on a hell ride.

Not Days of Wine and Roses (the movie did not end so well) but not always Days of Obligation.  But a place in between, a place filled with friends and love and fun, where my mind is not wondering about the next catastrophe.

I resolve to drop the fear and lift up the light side of life.  And enjoy it.  And fly to see friends.  And do the things of my dreams.  Because I am, for now, on the lucky side of Lady Life.

This is my early 50th birthday present to me.