SOB, welcome home

Welcome back, SOB. You took a jaunt across “the Pond” and all hell broke loose.  Just as I flipped you the keys to the family’s asylum, put my feet up and broke open a bottle of red wine, I got really sick.  So glad you are a doctor, and the prescriptions were wine and soup.  Because I am so much easier when I am mentally lubricated.

Happily, SOB shared her first day back as MOW (medical officer of the week):
  • Lunch with Dad.  He looks good.  He won’t remember though.  I threw out LOTs of solicitations and sweepstakes.  I think we should send those sweepstakes people to jail.

SIDEBAR:  I am thinking death penalty for scammers targeting the elderly.  For crimes against people and against the environment (so much paper).

  • Called Michael’s dad.  He really appreciated seeing you, BOB and Dad at Michael’s funeral.

SIDEBAR: Whoa, can you imagine a father thanking us for paying respects at his 36 year-old’s funeral?  The pain is burning a hole in my heart.  I don’t know if I could breathe if anything happened SOS.

  • ULOB.  No medicare services unless patient needs physical therapy or nursing. So, ULOB’s frailty and general inability to handle life don’t count. Nevertheless I tried suggesting to ULOB he may need help with daily living, even if it costs money.  But ULOB is not really interested help with food, cleaning, shopping if it costs money [sidebar: he can afford it; WE can afford it].  But, he “will consider this.” The dentist wants ULOB to have implants since he teeth are horrible; he is concerned about cost. And he said that he wasn’t sure it was worth it as he didn’t think he would live that much longer.  OY OY OY OY.

SIDEBAR:  We are more concerned that the several month period of wounds, healing from the incisions would lead him to not eat and lose even more weight, which is more of a health threat.

SIDEBAR OF SIDEBARI can’t possibly handle a health threat at this moment.  Please, let us have a quiet period in our family.

Keep going, SOB, you are doing great as MOW.  I am going to a spa for a day and then I will camp out on your couch on Saturday and let you recount war stories.  This is how I like to lead — supine and from behind.

You are doing such a great job, maybe, we will make you UOF (uber officer forever).  BOB, you agree?  2/3 vote carries.

Be afraid, SOB.

SIDEBAR:  I would never do this to SOB.  What we have to do we do together.  Oh, and, SOB? no more vacations until you know when . . . .

I love my family and I am grateful for SOB.