Family — a wonderful conglomeration of people you are born to, people you choose and people you give rise to.
In my case, it is a melange of (i) blood relations, (ii) relationships of different kinds of love (POB, GDJOB, GDKOB, Soeurs, other dear friends and long-lost friends), and (iii) in the case of SOS, an oasis of love that required a labyrinth of paper work and court decrees. FAMILY.
I think that is true of most of us.
Still, in such a diverse society, we seem to cling to the antiquated rules of “family” — “blood” or “marriage”. Even today, someone felt the need to explain that she would be out for two days for her grandmother’s funeral “to be there for her mother”. If her grandmother raised her, would she have felt the need to say, “she was like a mother to me”? Why is it important that I understand?
Because we draw a circle around the branches of our family tree and those losses are “acceptable” for time away from the office/work or for canceling on plans.
I do it, too. When I was in law school and Leta, our baby nurse for 18 years (make no comment), was in failing health, and I was wondering how to explain why I could not sit for an exam if she died. How would I make the law school understand that I would need to mourn the loss of the mother of my youth? Why did I need to? Because my future job prospects depended on an institution understanding my personal definition of family.
And, my life has gotten even more complicated since then. It is like the game, rock-paper-scissors, something always trumps the other and you have to guess right.
How about a game of blood-love-paper, where:
blood relations and paper (marriage or adoption) are equal and
love (without regard to blood or paper) trumps both.
Now, that, THAT, is family.
