Our wedding dresses arrived!!!!   They came on Thursday.  So on Friday, I bought one of those horrible, upper-body-toning bars from Hell. (We have sleeveless dresses.)

Being buff and beautiful on your wedding day is serious business.  Because after you say yes to the dress, you need to go through basic training. Navy SEAL-like training.  No wonder people choose to elope.  And white or off-white is sooooooo unforgiving.

And, even with all of this training, let’s face it, at our age, POB (partner of blogger) and I will nevertheless have to rely on modern-day corsets.  There should be a reality TV show contest where the winning bride contorts herself into the sausage casing called Spanx in the least amount of time. A whole new generation of “Beat The Clock”.

I remember my paternal grandmother’s corsets.   She had five live births and she was zoftig (full-figured) to begin with.  So, there needed to be a ghastly amount of squeezing in the middle to create any kind of hour glass shape.  I do remember that her corset made her enormous breasts form a large, nearly flat surface just below her clavicle.  I wonder how she didn’t suffocate.  But I was a convenient tray for balancing dishes while eating at a buffet affair.  Pluses and minuses — isn’t that always the balance?

My goal is to have a sausage casing that doesn’t have to re-distribute my body fat toooo much.  I can imagine — everything looks great, except I have conspicuously enlarged earlobes.

BUT THE DRESSES ARRIVED.  There is no going back.