DOB (dad of blogger) came over for dinner. We were without reinforcements. And SOB (sister of blogger) and I had the bet. SOB said DOB would sing Sholom Aleichem within an hour of arrival and I bet that it would be well before then.
About one-half hour into the visit, DOB was in the bathroom for too long and, well since he is almost 91, I became concerned. “Dad, are you all right?” “No problem,” he shouted, “just a little [insert scatological issue].” I had to call SOB at the hospital about intervening events that might either delay the bet or give me an automatic compassionate win (depending on the judges).
SOB was adamant that the bet was still on. SOB is tough, but loving and caring. So, the bet was still on.
With DOB back in the living room, we discussed certain issues relating to the pain, tightness and possibly a little blood relating to the unnamed scatological issue. I think, “this is sooooo not what I bargained for.” But time was running out. I thought, “how will I explain to POB (partner of blogger) that I literally bet the house on whether DOB would sing Sholom Aleichem within the first hour of his arrival?” This would not go over well. POB might even cancel the wedding and kick me out with a frying pan, like Felix Unger’s wife did to him. Determined not to be a divorcee on a 1960s TV sitcom, I became desperate.
Desperation propelled me into action, even though I know that the final accounting between SOB and me on these types of bets will be at the gates of Hell. [As an aside, SOB claims that she engages in this kind of infantile behavior to make sure she goes to Hell with me because she would miss me too much if she were in Heaven. Haven’t I a wonderful sister?]
With little time left, DOB starts singing “Happy Birthday” to TLP (our son, the little prince) to whom we have sung happy birthday ad nauseum. However, DOB never tires of singing random songs like, “When Johnny Comes Marching Home Again” or “Yes Sir, She’s My Baby”. In what can only be described as a Hail Mary play, I say, “well, that is better than singing Sholom Aleichem!!” And, G-d bless DOB, he starts singing at minute 58 and 45 seconds. I call SOB at the hospital, “I won because even though I affirmatively coaxed him into singing it, there was a whole lot of information beforehand that was unnecessary for the non-doctor child to know!!”
SOB, a saint of a woman, wanted to come and save me. I said, “no, but we will call this a draw, ok?” She agreed. What an awesome sister.
POB asked, “why did you have to call your sister twice? She usually reads things on your blog and then you discuss.” I didn’t want to tell POB how close we came to financial ruin at the gates of Hell (of course, she’ll be in Heaven, hanging out with our Moms).
A typical Sunday night chez nous.